Swapping Souls
by CuteMooglez
Summary: COMPLETED! Ta-da! The much-longed-for sequel to Trading Spaces is finally updated! This time, instead of Selphie and Squall, the victims are Quistis and Laguna! Many laughs and embarrassing moments are promised! Please, Read and Review!
1. Swapping Souls

Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy VIII or the related characters or places…blah, blah, blah….

A/N: The much-awaited sequel is here!  Yay!  Remember, all suggestions are welcome!  And we do use most of them!  We also have a homepage and the link is on our profile, however, it has been brought to my attention that the link does not work, and I'm too lazy to figure out why.  Anyways, if you by any chance get to see it, please sign our guestbook! 

**Lunar-Girl, xomoombaxo, Battle Angel Ren: **Here's the promised sequel!  Hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the first one!

**The fangirls: **We are going to try to insert all the fangirls into the sequel too.  We just need to figure out where.  Lol. 

Swapping Souls

"What does this button do?"

Quistis turned away from the control panel to look at Laguna.  "Don't you dare!" she warned.  Quickly she switched the Ragnarok to autopilot and ran to grab the machine away from him.  "You have no idea what it could do!" she yelled.

"But I wanna press the button!" he whined.

"Well, I want a pony!  But do I have one?  No!  So, give it!" she retorted grumpily.  

"No!"

"I said, give it!"

"No!" 

They pushed and pulled, and they shoved and fought, but Laguna got his way.  Smiling triumphantly, he held the machine over his head and pressed the button.  Suddenly feeling dizzy, the SeeD closed her eyes.  When she reopened them, she was no longer on the floor like she had been seconds ago.  She was standing, holding the contraption over her head.

With a gasp, she dropped the machine. "I didn't do it…" Laguna announced, pointing to the broken mechanism.

"What happened!?" she shrieked, looking down at herself.  Her normal crisp black SeeD uniform had transformed into a blue shirt and khaki pants.  Not only that, but her voice sounded strangely…deep.

"I was wondering the same thing…" said…her voice?  She looked in front of her to see, herself sitting on the floor.  

"Laguna?  Is that you?"  

"Yeah…well, I think so," he said looking down.  "Last time I checked, I didn't have these," he pointed to the breasts he now owned.  

"Um…I just screwed us over didn't I?" the SeeD asked, looking down at the machine that was in several pieces on the floor.  

"No worries!  There is nothing that the great Laguna can't fix!" the president of Esthar announced.  __

_Oh Hyne!  He's going to **really **screw us over!  _"No Laguna, it's quite alright!  I'm sure that if we deliver it to a junk shop somewhere they can repair it for us…"

"And cost us a small fortune in gil!?  I think not!"  No matter how much Quistis argued with him, he remained stubborn.  Eventually, she gave in and let him tinker with the broken machine.  She resumed her place as pilot of the Ragnarok.

"Let's see…this little…thinga-ma-jig looks like it fits here.  And this one looks like it goes here…" 

Quistis rolled her eyes.  "If you break it any further…" she thought for a while, "I'll-I'll break you!" _That sounded terribly corny.  Damn!  Now I'm starting to sound like my mother!  _

"Don't worry Ms. Trepe.  You have no need…" BOOM!  There was an explosion that almost made Quistis' heart stop.  Abruptly, she turned around to see Laguna still sitting on the floor, only now _her _hair…  The hair she would spend hours doing, was singed, black and standing on end.  Not to mention the fact that the machine was in millions of more pieces, and Laguna was crying.

"Wh-What's wrong?"

"I broke my nail!" he sniffled.  

"You mean you broke _my _nail!"

"That's what I said!"

Quistis looked at him in bewilderment and shook her head.  "I can't believe you!  There is no way any junk shop could ever fix this…this…mess!"

"Sorry," Laguna mumbled. 

"No you're not!  If you were really sorry, then you would've just listened to me in the first place!  Then we wouldn't have had to put up with this mess in the first place!  Agh!" she screamed in frustration, causing the president to flinch.

"I told you that I can't fix anything without destroying it!" Quistis gave him a look that would have given the devil a run for his money, so quickly he changed topics.  "So…what do we do now?" 

Quistis pondered for a while.  "How did it end up on the Ragnarok anyway?"  Laguna shrugged.  

"I don't know, I just found it over there," he pointed to a seat.  "It was sitting over there on top of that chair."

"That does not help at all…" she thought for a bit longer.  "And there is no way that a junk shop could repair that."  She spat looking at the pile of cinders that littered the cockpit.  Then, she looked at Laguna with the most evil face she could muster.

"Um…sorry?" he tried again.

Quistis reached to her side and pulled out his machine gun and began to advance on the man.

"Hey, let's try to talk this over…I'll buy you an ice cream!" he tried as he began backing up against the wall.

"No!  No ice cream!"

"Do you know how long you can serve in jail for assassinating the president!?"

"I'm the president now!" she smiled wickedly.

"Huh…I didn't think of that…  But, you wouldn't want to use Giggles against me would you?" he pleaded.

This only made Quistis smile even larger.  _Damn this girl is cree-py!  Wait, wait a minute!  She has a whip somewhere…doesn't she?  _Eagerly he reached behind him and pulled out her Save the Queen whip.  Then, either out of desperation or pure excitement, he started flinging the weapon every which way.

Quistis smiled, knowing that he didn't know how to use it.  He didn't know the right technique or anything!  However, it was when she was thinking this that Laguna surprised her (and even himself) by pulling an Indiana Jones.  With the whip, he knocked the machine gun from her hand.  There it lay on the floor, perfectly between the two.

"Now…let's try and settle this.  Calmly and maturely," he lectured Quistis, though both knew she was the most mature.  Stubbornly, she sat down on the floor and crossed her arms and legs.

"I'm listening…"

"Okay.  Now, you think of a plan and I'll follow it," he said, beaming.

"THAT'S ALL YOU WANTED TO SAY!?"

"Um…sorry?" he winced again.

"That's just a typical man!" she roared.  By this time, Laguna was scared out of his pants (er…skirt).  "Rely on the woman to come up with the logic.  Well, let me tell you buddy!  I'm not some puppet you can control!  Got that!?"

Looking even more frightened, Laguna nodded.  "Y-Yes…sir…um, ma'am…sir!"

She looked at him in satisfaction.  "Now, we need a plan.  I'll think of it."  Now Laguna looked very confused.

"But didn't you just say-"

"FORGET WHAT I SAID!"

"Yes ma'am."

Quistis put her hand to her chin and started to rack her brain for anything ingenious that could possibly come to mind.  Nothing was coming.  "We can't take it to a junk shop and expect them to fix it…"

"Uh, you already said that…"

"Shut up and let me think!" 

"Okay, okay." Laguna put his hands up in defeat.  "I'll be quiet.  I'll be sitting over here, saying nothing…" Quistis smiled and watched his sit against a wall.  "Being quiet!" he announced.

"Good, stay that way!"  _Let's see…who used the Ragnarok before we did?  Wasn't it Squall and Selphie?  But they've been acting really strange, I probably shouldn't bother them.  Who used it before they did?_

"Am I not impressing you how long I've stayed quiet!?"

"YES VERY IMPRESSIVE SIR!" 

Laguna smiled and started mumbling to himself about how much of a talented 'non-talker' he was.  

"Quistis, come in Quistis…"

"Sir Laguna, I thought I told you not to talk!" she yelled. 

"It wasn't me!" he pointed to the control panel.  Someone was trying to get a hold of them with the radio.

"I repeat, Quistis, if you are there, please answer."

"Yes, I'm here…" she said walking up to the controls.

"Very funny Mr. Loire, I need to talk to Instructor Trepe."

Laguna started jumping up and down in place, clapping his hands.  "I get to talk!  I get to talk!"

Quistis rolled her eyes and stepped out of the way so that the over-excited man could talk.

"Say what I tell you to say…" she mumbled as he walked over.

"Yes?  May I ask who's calling?" he asked into the radio.

"This is Nida.  You are needed immediately back at the Garden.  Are you done escorting President Loire?" 

Quistis began doing a series of strange motions with her hands and weird facial expressions.  "Um…yes?  No!  No!  Yes!  Yes, I am done escorting him…" he said confusedly as he watched her.

"Alright.  Drop him back off in Esthar and report to Balamb Garden immediately!"

"Affirmative!" he yelled, saluting no one in particular.

"Over and out." The radio made some crackling noises before cutting out.  

"Ugh!  I can't believe you!!!" Quistis screamed angrily. 

"You weren't helping!  No can understand someone when they wave their arms around like a windmill!" 

The SeeD proceeded to glower at him.  "I can't go back to the Garden looking like this!" 

"Yeah, well, I can't go back to Esthar like this!"

"Okay, here's the deal.  Until I can find someone who can fix this machine, we have to trade places for a few days.  Okay?" she looked at Laguna and he returned the look.  

"Sounds like fun!"

_He's going to get me fired by the time I get back!  _She thought bitterly.

"Yeah, big fun…" she murmured.  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Hehehe, so what do you guys think?  An okay start?  Well, we hope you enjoyed it, and the second chapter should be up shortly!  Please, review us ideas and everything!  We're anxious to hear from you!  So, reviewers review!  (Flames and feedback are appreciated!)  Oh, and to change the subjects completely…Does anyone here (besides us) get tired of the same old pairings?  (Probably not)  Anyway, we decided to mess around with the pairings a bit in this fanfiction, unless people are totally by all means against it.  ^_^ Review!

B-chan: Mwehehehehehe one ring to rule them all…..sorry!


	2. An Unlikely Couple

**Disclaimer: **We do not own Final Fantasy VIII, Squaresoft does.  Those lucky lucky people!  

**A/N:** ::Anna begins smacking herself repeatedly:: I'm so used to writing angst now (because of Who Wants to Live Forever) that this is such a drastic change for me!  The beginning of this one is sort of serious, but there are some laughs after that!  Okay?  And I'm very sorry it took so long for us to actually post it.  I had most of it written, then I misplaced my notebook, I finally found it a few days ago and Vivi-chan helped me finish it up.  Enjoy!  

An Unlikely Couple

Squall sat in his usual moping position with his back against the headboard of this bed.  He began flipping through his Weapons Monthly magazine though he really wasn't interested in the articles.

_Why would she betray me like that?  _Was the question that kept running through his mind.  Sighing, he laid the magazine down on his stomach and folded his arms behind his head.

"C'mon man," came Zell's voice from the doorway.  "You've been moping around all day.  Whaddaya say you come train with me in the Training Center?"

"Nah," Squall said pulling the magazine over his face.  The blond shook his head and walked to the bedside.

"Rise n' shine sleepin' beauty!" he yelled as he took the magazine off of the commander's face.

"Bug off, Zell!" he roared, angrily throwing the issue at his head.

"Okay!  Okay!  I'll go see if Irvine wants to go," the martial artist said in defeat.  "Come join us if you want…"

_That's highly unlikely…_The door clicked shut, and finally he was alone.  Complete peace and quiet, that was until the clock began making a very annoying sound.  It was then that he regretted throwing Weapons Monthly at Zell.  He _really _wanted to throw it at that digital clock at that time.

It was noon, lunchtime, and the hotdogs wouldn't be lasting very long.  Sulkily, he heaved himself out of the bed and headed out of his dorm. 

As always the cafeteria was packed.  Everyone sat with his or her friends.  Irvine and Zell were nowhere to be found, _probably still training.  _Quistis still wasn't back from her assignment, and Rinoa sat with her new love interest, Seifer.  It made him sick!  However, Selphie wasn't anywhere to be found either.

Discreetly he scanned the cafeteria for any place to sit…alone.

"Oh Squall!  You can sit here!" came several shrill voices.  Squall winced and proceeded to turn around.

"Oh my Hyne!  He looked at me!" Moomba cried.

"No he wasn't!  He was looking at me!" Charity argued.

"Umm, actually I think he's looking for a place to sit," Nny offered, giggling.

"No!" the two yelled in unison.

_Walk away…slowly, _he thought as he carried his hotdog out of the lunchroom.

"Look, Moomba!  You made him leave!"

"Did not, Charity!"

"Stop it both of you!" Ryuu yelled.  

_Gotta get out while I'm still alive…_As the girls bickered back and forth, he nimbly made his way out of their sight.  Sighing he started looking for a place to eat his hotdog in peace.  "I guess I can always try the Quad," he said to no one in particular. 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE OUT OF HOTDOGS!!?" Zell's over dramatic voice came from behind.  Holding back a smile, Squall continued to walk forward.  The Quad wasn't far so it wasn't long before he was there.  

He sat down on one of the stairs and brought the hotdog to his mouth.  Suddenly he heard some sniffing, and a sound that sounded a lot like crying.  He arched his eyebrow and took a bite out of his food.  He never cared before, why should he now?

Completely disregarding whoever was crying, he finished his small meal and stood up to throw away the paper plate.  He walked down a few stairs to the trashcan, when he was able to see who it was that was making such a fuss.  Whoever she was, she was in her SeeD uniform and curled up in the fetal position on the other side of the room.

_It's none of my business, I'll just leave her to her weeping, _he thought as he started to walk past her.  Suddenly she looked up, her face red and asked startled, "Squall?  What are you doing here!?" she eagerly wiped the moisture off of her face.  It was Selphie.

"…It's not off-limits to me is it?"

"No, that's not what I meant…" she looked away from him.

"Well, I'll leave you alone." He still didn't want to get involved.

"Wait!  Will you do me a favor?"  He remained silent, but he turned to wait for what her 'favor' was.  "Beat the crap out of Irvine for me."

"You mean I actually have permission!?  Oh I have waited for this day to come!  Gladly!  I'll give him such a good beating you won't be sorry!"  The tiny brunette smiled a bit, but quickly went back to sobbing.  "…But, why would you want me to beat up your boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend," she corrected.

"Oh…" Squall stopped where he was.  "So…he dumped you?" 

"You really creeped him out when you were in my body, you know?"

_So…basically it was my fault.  _"Seph, I'm so sorry…but he…he…" he looked around uncomfortably, "…touched my butt..."

Selphie began laughing a bit despite herself.  "Well, I'm sure you touch Rinny's butt, don't you?" 

"…No, Seifer does now…"

"Ah…" an uncomfortable silence pursued.  

"Hey, you look awful." Squall began, changing subjects.  "Have you even eaten today?" 

The younger SeeD shook her head, causing her curls to bounce.  "C'mon, I'll buy you some lunch."

*If I were President…*

"Laguna, so glad to have you back!" a man that Quistis automatically recognized as Kiros, greeted her.

"Uh, thank you…"

"As soon as you left, you should have seen the paperwork that has been stacking up on your desk!  Ward tried to do some of it, but he wasn't very successful."

"Sounds like…fun," she said forcedly.  

"Yes, I will visit your office in a bit with your stress reliever."

Quistis nodded.  "Yes, that would be great Mr. Seagill." Kiros raised an eyebrow and felt her head.  

"You okay Laguna?"

"No, I don't fell well at all today…"

"That's too bad, because you are NOT getting me to do that nasty paperwork again!" he laughed.

"I-I never said that…"

"I know the way your mind thinks, Laguna." _You mean there is actually something to know about Laguna's mind?  Amazing…_

"Okay…well um.  Can you please point me in the right direction of my office?"

"You forgot _again?  _It's your office!  Not mine!  You've been the president for how many years now, and you still can't remember where your office is located?"

_Oh, so this is normal with Laguna?  What a relief!  _Quistis blushed, "Well, the Presidential Palace is so big and all…"

"Yet Ward and I seem to know our way around quite well, don't you think?"

"…"

"Don't worry about it, Laguna.  Someday, maybe ten years from now, I'm sure you'll get the first hallway down.  Then, after that, you'll learn to take a left.  Before you know it, you'll make it to the end of the hallway!  Then, when that day comes we can take out all the call help buttons.  After that, we'll throw a party and fill the room with hotdog buns from all over Esthar!"

Quistis looked at him and said nothing.  She was thinking, _hotdog buns!?  _

"Well, here it is…" Kiros said, opening a door.  "Now, look at it, Laguna.  Take in the surroundings.  Memorize it, engrave it into your memory!"

Quistis rolled her eyes and stepped into the office.  Paperwork was piled a mile high on top of the desk.  Being a SeeD she was required to do some paperwork, just not that much!  As she plopped down into the fluffy office chair, Kiros went to the door. "I'll be back with the stress reliever," he said.

_What?  _She looked at the paperwork and shook her head.  "Maybe there's a valid reason Laguna lost his sanity.  There is no way that he can do all of this!" Shaking her head again, she picked out a piece of paper from the top of the pile.

"Then, let's just make the stack shorter, shall we?" She looked at the paper was holding.  "Junk," she announced throwing it away and picking up several others.  "junk, junk…War with Galbadia?-Junk.  Moomba Liberation Front…might be importantl…"

Steadily, the trashcan on the other side of the room was filling up, and the mess of on her desk was disappearing.  Very happy to get rid of the mess, she picked up a pen and began working, when she realized that she didn't know he signed his name.  _Damn that's not good._

As the SeeD desperately searched through the drawers, the door creaked open.  Cautiously, she peeked over the top of the desk to see Kiros carry a tray of food into the office.  "What are you hiding from _this_ time?"

Quistis didn't answer.  Instead, she scrambled back into the chair.  Kiros shook his head and laid the tray down.  "Here are your buns, sir.  You may now begin squeezing."

"WHAT!!?" her eyes darted down to the tray, on it lay about five hotdog buns.  Kiros arched his eyebrows in shock.

"The Annual Esthar Bun Squeezing Contest is coming up.  You need all the practice you can get!  Even if you have held the title for twenty years now!"

_…I always thought Laguna was a bit strange…but…bun squeezing!?  What kind of a pastime is that!?_

With Kiros watching, Quistis hesitantly picked up one of the hotdog buns, wondering what to do.

_…How do they judge a bun squeezing contest?  This is crazy!  _"C'mon Laguna!  I'll time you.  Your last time was forty-five seconds.  Let's shoot for thirty!"

"Th-Thirty, eh?" she eyed the bun a little bit longer.

"Ready, set, GO!" he yelled, pulling out a stopwatch.

Timidly, she began to squeeze the bun, feeling extremely stupid.  Kiros' shouts of 'Faster!  Faster!' were starting to annoy her very much.

"C'mon Laguna!  Hurry!" 

"Ah, bite me!" she roared, chucking the squeezed bun at the man's head.

Kiros stared in confusion at his friend, Then his eyes started welling up.  "Okay, fine.  If you aren't gong to appreciate the _art _of bun squeezing then I'll leave you to your paperwork…" he picked up the tray and began walking for the door.  "You know, Laguna.  You win this contest every year because of me!  Now, the runner up for the last then years is going to take the medal."

_Like I really care…_ Instead of leaving the room, Kiros turned and gave her the puppy-dog look.

"I'm not falling for that!" she yelled.  Then, the lip began to tremble.  Sighing, she complied.

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Good," he pulled a whistle out of his pocket and blew it.  "Bun squeezing boot camp, day one!  You better get ready!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

There you go.  Sorry it took so long.  Too much studying for finals and such, then we also had this tornado (in all seriousness) and that was a BIG distraction.  Please review!  Flames and feedback are appreciated!   Oh, and if you have any ideas on how the bun squeezing contest could be judged, be sure to throw them in also!  We thought of one idea, though it isn't all that great!  If you have any ideas you can email us at Kawaiiblonde@hotmail.com (be sure to write fanfiction or Swapping Souls for the title so it won't get deleted!)


	3. Persuasion

**Disclaimer: **We still don't own Final Fantasy VIII

**Koritsumou**: We already said that it would be very difficult to make the second as good as the first one.  But, then again, we still haven't gotten to the good parts.  (Again, we planned them during play rehearsal).  So, please bear with us for a while longer.  

**Grasshopper: **That's alright, Zell's awesome!  But we don't have a Zell fanclub as of now, we'll try to add that in to the humor later.  Oki day?

**MegumiFuu: **Thank you for agreeing!  We were so worried that people would hate us for trying this!  Thanks all for being flexible! ^_^

**Dark Phoenix: **You sound like you are just as crazy as us!  ::laughs madly:: I like your ideas!  

A/N: Any Trepies out there?  We would like to do something with the Trepies if there are any boys who want to volunteer!  Just review us the same information as the fangirls!  (First one to get in a profile will be the leader…so on and so forth).  Oh!  And the link on our profile works now, so check out our homepage!  (And sign our guestbook!)

Persuasion 

            "Hey, Rinny!  Quisty!" Selphie squealed, grabbing her friends by the arm and dragging them over to a wall.  "Looks like the Garden is now offering a Tae-Bo class in the Quad!"

"Wow, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun!" Rinoa said as she read the bulletin.

"Girls, I'm too old for that kind of stuff…" 

Both the girls looked at their friend in awe.  "Hyne, Quisty!  You're only a year older!" Rinoa burst out laughing.

"Oh, yeah…I forgot." Laguna said uneasily.

"C'mon, let's go see if we can get the guys to join too!" Selphie exclaimed as she hastily jotted their names on the sign-up list.  Giggling, they sprinted to the Training Center.

Just as they got there, the four boys were exiting the facility.  

"Jeez, chickenwuss.  Can't you hit a target?" Seifer laughed.

"Look, I'm sorry.  I've already apologized to him a million times!" Zell argued back.  Behind them Squall and Irvine came into view.  Irvine was clutching his nose that was pouring out blood and Squall was trying his hardest not to laugh.

As the girls got closer he mouthed to Selphie, "Zell missed…"  The short brunette covered up a small smile.

"C'mon Irvine, I'll take you to the infirmary," Zell sighed.  The two walked off, Irvine keeping himself distanced from the martial artist.

Smiling, the group of five watched until their friends were out of eyesight.  "Well, we were just getting ready to go to the cafeteria if you ladies want to join us," Seifer winked at Rinoa.

"Who are you calling a lady!?" Laguna roared.

"Sorry, Instructor.  You _do _make a better man than Irvine," Seifer laughed.

Laguna looked pleased, then he realized that at that minute he was a girl.  "Hey!"

Squall laughed and took Selphie by the hand, "Let's go before Quistis used Degenerator on him." 

Laughing, they ran down the hall, with Rinoa and Seifer behind.  'Quistis' was chasing them with 'her' whip drawn.

"Hyne!  I already said I was sorry, Instructor!" Seifer pleaded as he dodged a lashing.

"You don't sound like you mean it.  BEG FOR MERCY!!" Laguna yelled maniacally.  

As the crazed Instructor chased Seifer through the halls, they passed a group of boys.  The one in the lead gasped.  "Instructor Trepe!  Please wait up!" the entire group migrated along with them.  

"Quistis!  Can't you tell when a guy is joking!?" Squall yelled from up ahead.  "You're going to kill someone if you don't calm down!"

Out of breath, Laguna stopped running and began walking.  Seifer ran even further ahead until he caught up with Squall, Selphie and Rinoa.  The four walked into the cafeteria.  Still trying to catch his breath, he sat down on the tile floor.

"Ms. Trepe!" the boys continued to scream as they came closer.  Laguna's eyes widened and he pulled himself up, _This is way too creepy!  _He forced himself to run further until he got into the cafeteria with everyone else.  Quickly, he ducked behind the table that Rinoa was saving for everyone while they waited in line.

"Hide me, quick!"

"Good Hyne, Quisty.  What's been the problem with you lately!?"  Laguna rolled his eyes and threw himself down under the table.  

"Tell me when they're gone!" he hissed from below.

"What the-?" Rinoa looked at the door and saw the Trepies walk in.  "Oh.  Them again…?" The leader looked around the cafeteria a few times before turning to the rest of them.  "She isn't here.  Men, withdraw!"  In military style, they marched back out.

"Alright Quisty.  The coast is clear."

Just to make sure, Laguna peeked over the table.  Sure enough, the Trepies were gone.  Taking a huge sigh, he sat in one of the seats, thinking deeply (or as deeply as he could) about his near-death experience.  

"Hey guys!" Selphie exclaimed, running over.  "We're gonna need an extra chair.  Zell's back from the infirmary."

"Okay," Rinoa stood up and pulled a chair away from one of the other tables.

A few minutes later the boys came over to the table carrying trays of food.

"Where's Irvine?" Rinoa asked as Seifer took the seat next to her.

"He went back to his dorm…" Zell said uneasily.

"Yeah, thanks to the chickenwuss, his entire face is swollen!"  
  


Selphie laughed, "Serves him right!" Everyone shot her a glance, except for Squall who pretended not to notice.

"You're not helping, you know.  I feel bad enough as it is!"

"I'm sure Irvine knows it was an accident," Rinoa said reassuringly.

"What's up with you, Quistis?" Squall asked, changing the subject.  "You haven't said much since you went berserk in the hall."

Involuntarily, 'her' eye started twitching and 'she' began to spaz out.

"Shit!  What's wrong with her!?" Zell exclaimed.

"She just survived an encounter with the Trepies," Rinoa explained.

"Ah."

It was quiet as everyone watched 'Quistis' continue to twitch.

"Is she broken?" Selphie asked, much like a three-year-old.

"I don't know…"

"Should we take her to see Kadowaki?"

"That poor woman!  We're always bothering her!"

"Does anyone have a hotdog bun?" Laguna asked, interrupting all the dialogue.  Everyone looked between each other confusedly.

"Uh, yeah.  I do…" Zell uneasily took his hotdog (his precious hotdog!) out of its bun and handed it to the 'Instructor'.

Now, everyone watched as 'she' began squeezing the bun, much like someone would do with a stress ball.  After a while, Laguna calmed down tremendously, and was back to his normal self.  The exact opposite of Quistis.

*Meanwhile, back in the Presidential Palace*

"C'mon you pansy!" Kiros yelled, as he held a stopwatch.  Quistis was being put through hell just so she could squeeze buns for a sport!  Only Hyne knew how many bags of buns they had gone through already.  Plus, her fingers felt like they would fall off if she had to squeeze anything else.

"Go go go go!" he was chanting as she worked her finger muscles on a small finger treadmill (specially designed by Kiros himself).  "Only ten more minutes!  You can do it Laguna!" 

"You know what!?  Why don't _you _do it!?" she said irritably.  

"Because, I am your trainer.  I'm just here for moral support." 

"Damn hypocrite," she said under her breath.

The ten minutes passed and Kiros threw her a water bottle.  "You can take a small break.  I'll be back in about an hour, so you can catch up on your paperwork."

_Psh, like hell I'm going to do paperwork!  _The door closed behind him, and Quistis started to look around the room.  There was a small couch and with a television.  _That will help take my mind off things.  _

Feeling like a sweaty mess, she plopped down on the couch and took a big swig of the water.  After rummaging for the remote, she started flipping through the channels.  **"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  Spongebob Squarepants!" **_No.  _She flipped to the next channel.  **"Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!  Spongebob Squarepants!" **_What the hell?  _Next channel.  **"His nautical nonsense be something you wish…" **_Nooooo!  _Hurriedly she flipped through all the channels, but it was the same on every channel.  All six thousand, seven hundred and twenty-three.

_That's not fair!  I simply can't live without my soaps!  Ah!  I'm feeling faint!  _

*Please?  Do it for me?*

            "Oh yeah!  We were meaning to talk to you guys about something…" Selphie started slowly.  Rinoa gasped and covered her mouth as of not to giggle.

            "What is it?" Squall asked.

"Well, you see, there was this bulletin on the outside of the second floor classroom…"

"Oh, uh.  I just remembered something, gotta go!  Bye everyone!" Zell popped out of his seat and ran off.  Strange looks followed him, but he continued to run.  

"Anyway." Rinoa continued where Selphie left off, "There's a Tae-Bo class that's meeting every Wednesday in the Quad.  Selph, Quisty and I signed up for it and we were wondering if…"

"Ah!  Now, I just remembered something that _I _have to do!" Squall said, trying to stand up as well.  

"Oh no you don't!" Selphie grabbed his shirt and yanked him back down into his chair.  "We want you guys to join to!  It'll be fun!"

"Sorry ladies," Seifer looked at Quistis, "Uh…guys…?  Hell!  It's just not my kind of thing to prance around in a leotard and kick at things."

Laguna began beating his head against the table, trying to get the mental image of his son in a leotard out of his head.  Once again, all eyes were on him.

"Who said anything about a leotard?" Rinoa laughed.  "You can wear normal clothes, as long as you can move around easily!" Laguna stopped banging his head and sighed in relief.  Squall raised his eyebrows, but once again said nothing.

"I don't think so.  Sorry Sefie," he finally replied.

"But, what if I passed out!?  No one would be there to help me!" 

"Rinoa and Quistis would.  Quistis is really good in medical procedures, you know she volunteers in Kadowaki's office on the weekends."

_She does?  Crap.  _Laguna thought.

"Please?" Selphie used the best puppy-dog face she could muster.  "For me?" 

"Aww…no!   Please!  Anything but that!" 

Selphie smiled again and looked at him.  "So, will you?" 

Seifer shrugged and looked at Rinoa.  "I will if Leonhart does…"

All attention shifted back to Squall.  "If I have to…" he sighed.  

"Really!?  You will!?  Thanks Squally!" Selphie squealed, hugging him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I really had no idea when to end this chapter, so I just kind of cut it off.  Sorry guys. Anyways, we have plenty of humor planned out of Laguna as Quistis, but not much for Quistis as Laguna.  So if you have any ideas, please submit them!  We will most definitely use them!  


	4. Argument Clinic

Disclaimer: Still don't own….

A/N: This was inspired by a Monty Python sketch called, 'Argument Clinic'.  Actually, a lot of the script is directly from that sketch, but it just seemed like something that she would do!  It's just a Quistis-like thing!

Argument Clinic

Quistis looked stubbornly out of the car's window.  The black hair in her face was driving her insane, but every time she tried to tuck it behind an ear, it fell back into place.  Her arms crossed and her lips formed into a scowl.  "Why are you making me do this?" she whined looking at Kiros.

"Well, how do I put it…" he mused as he leaned closer to the steering wheel.  Taking his eyes off of the road for a brief moment, he looked at his friend, "You just haven't been acting like yourself.  All of a sudden, you are quick to an argument.  I don't want to put up with it, and no one else in the Presidential Palace wants to either.  So we're taking you to the Argument Clinic."

"I'm not arguing that much…."

"Yes, Laguna, you are."

"No I'm not!" 

Kiros looked at her with his eyes widened.  "Alright Laguna, whatever you say."

Agitatedly, she rolled her eyes and resumed staring out the window.  Finally the car pulled up to a small brick building, and she got out of the small sports car.  

"I'm going to go buy more buns, so Ward will pick you up after your session.  Remember, only the five-minute session!  We don't have the funding for you to do the full half hour!"

"Whatever…" she slammed the door in his face and walked briskly to the entrance.  As she opened the door, she looked around.  Everyone seemed to stare at her and whisper, 'it's the president!'.  Needless to say, it was annoying.  

Rolling her eyes, the former instructor stepped up to the counter where a woman was answering phones.  The woman looked surprised and quickly said into the phone, "Sorry mom.  The presidents here!" then, beaming at him, she hung up.

"Good morning, I would like to have an argument please," Quistis said bluntly.

"Certainly sir!" the woman said perkily.  "Have you been here before?"

"No, this is my first time."

"I see.  Well we'll see who's free at the moment.  Uh…Mr. Bakley's free….but he's a little bit conciliatory…" she paused to laugh at herself.  When Quistis didn't join in, she started again nervously.  "Uh…try Mr. Bard.  Room 12."

"Thank you." She began down the hall, whistling to keep entertained for the time being.  It wasn't long before she stood in front of a room that had the number 12 on the door.  Taking a deep breath, she swung it open to be greeted by a very temperamental man.

"What do you want!?" he roared, looking directly in her direction.  President or no, he seemed infuriated.'

"Well I was standing outside-" Quistis started uneasily.

"Don't give me that you snotty faced parrot dropping!"

"What!?" 

"Shut your festering gob you tit!  Your type makes me puke!  You vacuous, stuffy nosed, malodorous pervert!"  It sounded as if he was going to say more, but before he could Quistis yelled.

"I came in here for argument!" 

"Oh!" the man roared again, then looking embarrassed changed his tone, "Oh?  I'm sorry!  This is abuse!"

"Oh!  I see!" Quistis said, smiling.  She really didn't want to tick this man off again.

"No!  You want room 12A, next door!" The man seemed almost normal now, though she wasn't sure she wanted to stay in the room much longer.

"Oh, sorry."

"Not at all!" the man laughed, then under his breath he mumbled, "stupid git…"  Quistis looked behind her, but said nothing.  Hurriedly, she made her way next door.

"Is this the right room for argument?" she asked.  There was a man sitting behind a desk.  He had short red hair and green eyes,

"I've told you once…" he said looking up.

"…No you haven't."

"Yes I have."

"When?"

"Just now."

"No you didn't!" Quistis yelled, getting angry.  Cleary, he had never said anything along those lines!

"Yes I did!"

"You didn't!"

"I'm telling you I did!"

"You didn't!"

"I'm sorry, is this the five minute argument?  Or the full half hour?"

"Ah, just the five minutes," Quistis said, smiling.

"Just the five minutes?  Thank you!  Anyway, I did."

"You most certainly didn't!"

"Now let's get one thing perfectly clear, I most definitely told you so!"

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"

"Oh no you didn't!"  
  


"Oh yes I did!"  
  


"Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"  
  


"Oh look…this isn't an argument!!" she yelled, slamming her hand down on the table.

"Yes it is…" the man said, looking back down at his desk.

"No it isn't!"  Sighing, she looked around the room.  "It's just contradiction."

"No it isn't!" the man exclaimed, sounding offended.

"It is!"

"It is not!"

"It is!  You just contradicted me!"

"No I didn't!"

"You did!"  
  


 "No, no, no, no!"

"You did just that!"

"Nonsense!"

"Oh, this is futile!" Quistis yelled, throwing her hands in the air.

"No it isn't…"

"Yes it is!" she roared at him.  "I came here for a good argument!"

"Ah no you didn't!  You came here for an _argument._" 

"An argument isn't just contradiction!" the stressed out former SeeD explained.

"Well…it can be."

"No it can't!  An argument is a connective of statements intended to establish a proposition."

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!  It isn't just contradiction!"

"Look," the red head started, "If I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position!"

"Yes, but it isn't just saying 'no it isn't'!"

"Yes it is!"

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!" pushing the black hair back, she tried a different approach.  "An argument is an intellectual process, contradiction is just the automatic gain say of anything the other person says."

"It is NOT!"

"It is!"

"Not at all!"

"Yes it is!"

"Thank you, that's it!" the man exclaimed, dinging a bell on his desk.

"What?" Now, she was angry and confused.

"That's it.  Good morning."

"But…I was just getting interested!"

"Well, I'm sorry but the five minutes is up."

"That was _never _five minutes!" she said checking her watch and staring down at him from her standing position.

"I'm afraid it was."

"No it wasn't!"  It was a desperate attempt to start the argument back up, but it didn't work.

"I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue anymore," the man said, picking up some of his papers.

"What!?"

"If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes."

"But that was never five minutes just now!" Quistis whined, but the man didn't seem to care.  "Oh, come on!" The red head still didn't seem interested.  "Oh!  This is…this is…ridiculous!"

"I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!"

Quistis started looking around for another solution.  Kiros would probably kill her if he found out that she paid for another five minutes, but she was not about to leave the argument at that!  Desperately, she reached into Laguna's baggy khaki pants pocket and pulled out some gil.  "Oh, all right.  There you are."

"Thank you," he said, taking the money.

"Well…" This was great!  She paid for another five minutes, and she couldn't remember what they were arguing about in the first place!

"Well what?"

She racked her mind for anything, then she said the first thing that came to mind.  "That was never five minutes just now!"

"I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!!"

Now Quistis was _very _confused.  "But…I just paid…"

"No you didn't!"

"I did!"

"Liar!  Did not!"

"I did!"

"Did not!"

"B-But!  I don't want to argue about it!"

"Well, I'm really sorry but you didn't pay!"

Now she was raving mad.  She had distinctly remembered handing him that money!  Then, it clicked.  "Ah!  Well, if I didn't pay…why are you arguing?"  The man had nothing to say for that.  "Ahhhh!  Gotcha!" she laughed madly.

"No you haven't…"

"Yes I have!  If you're arguing, I must've paid!"

"Not necessarily!"  there was a short pause, "I could be arguing in my spare time!"

"Oh?  I've had enough of this!"

"No you haven't!"

"Yes I have!"

"No you haven't!"

"YES I HAVE!" she yelled, then she stomped angrily out of the room.  That man had the nerve to jip her out of her money!  She didn't even stay for the full five minutes she paid for the second time, though she really didn't care.

Angrily, she stormed out of the Argument Clinic and waited for Ward to pick her up.  She had only been in the Palace for a day, and already they could tell something was wrong?  That wasn't good.  And, the entire time she had been there she hadn't seen Ward.  Just Kiros.  So, it would be nice to talk to someone new.

The honking of a horn brought her out of her train of thought and she looked to see Ward sitting in a pick up truck, beaming from ear to ear.

Grateful to get away from the crazy place, she jumped into the truck beside him.  "How's it goin' Ward?"

"…"

"NEVER MAKE ME GO THERE AGAIN!"

"……."

"So, how are things at the Palace?  I didn't miss anything did I?"

"……"

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked, looking at him.  

"…." The big man didn't do so much as take his eyes off of the road.  

Quistis looked at the man next to her.   Why wasn't he saying anything!?  "C'mon boy!  Speak!" she demanded.

"…..!"

"Oh Hyne!  I had to deal with enough people with speech impediments!  Why another one!?"  She yelled dramatically, placing her hand to her forehead.  "Just take me back to the Palace!"

Again, he didn't answer, but he did seem to follow orders.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I hope you enjoyed it!  Are you wondering what is going on with our friends at Balamb Garden?  Well, you'll have to find out next chapter!  Sorry this one is so slow at updating.  We've taken on too many projects at once!  Oh!  And if you enjoy reading Squelphies, then please read our new story called 'Taming the Lion'.  It hasn't been posted yet, but we'll be sure to let you know when it is!  Review, please!


	5. Zell Bo

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII, along with all the characters, belong to Squaresoft.  We are merely borrowing them. ^_^  
  


**Archangel_666**: We don't like Quistis very much, and we just tried to do something that was in character for her.  She seems to be rather bossy and self absorbed.  Sorry we made you mad. ^_^

Zell-Bo

            "Um, Seifer…  How exactly did we get ourselves in this predicament?" asked a very uncomfortably looking Squall.  Everyone was gathered in the Quad, waiting for the Tae-Bo lessons to start.  Selphie and Rinoa had run off to the front of the class and were talking happily to each other.  

"Well, on the bright side, we get to see _them _in leotards," Seifer smirked.  Squall shrugged, he did have a point.  Selphie and Rinoa were indeed wearing leotards.  Rinoa sported a light green one with a weird snake pattern on it whereas Selphie looked like a ballerina.  She went all out, she wore a light pink leotard complete with a tutu.  Squall had to keep pinching himself every time he looked at her so he would not laugh.

Slowly the Quad was filling up with more and more girls.  Of course there weren't many boys who would be caught dead there.  The noise level was getting louder and louder as time went on.  Irvine showed up but was still dressed in his normal clothes and he was sporting a bandage over his nose.

"Spectator sport…" he mouthed to the two boys as he sat down on a bench.  Both Squall and Seifer looked longingly at that idea, but knew that if their girls saw them doing that they might as well be dead anyway.  

Quistis came in and began looking between Rinoa and Selphie, and Seifer and Squall, as if trying to figure out who she should stand by.  She seemed to be almost as uncomfortable as the boys, but she wasn't (much to Irvine's dislike) wearing a leotard.  Instead she wore a tee-shirt and jogging pants.  Before long she decided on standing up in the front with the girls.

Trying to remain unnoticed in the back, the two male SeeDs started talking casually.  They were interrupted when they heard someone run into the Quad at high speed.

"Sorry I'm late."  Squall arched his eyebrows, that voice was familiar.  He turned around and saw Zell place a boom box down on the floor.  Zell obviously saw him too, because all the color drained from his face and then as quickly as the color left it, it began to turn scarlet red.  Trying to avoid making eye contact, he started speaking again, "I'll be your Tae-Bo instructor…"

"Ha!  The chickenwuss!?" Seifer yelled in amusement.  Squall couldn't help but laugh himself.  Several of the girls turned around and scowled at him.

"At least _he _is secure enough to be doing this on his own free will!" one girl in particular sneered at them.  The two boys looked at each other and began laughing again, only harder this time.

*Laguna's POV*

            Laguna was standing up in the front with Rinoa and Selphie, both of which were very excited to be doing this.  He, on the other hand, was afraid that he was going to kill someone.  Not that Tae-Bo didn't sound fun, but he had a tendency to be…well…a klutz.  

"Let's go drag the boys up here," Rinoa said to Selphie.  Moments later, they were back, dragging Squall and Seifer with them.  At this point the two boys were within speaking distance of Zell.  

  "Hey Chicken-Wuss…finally decided swatting flies was too difficult and decided to move on to buns of steel?" Seifer stated in between snickers.  Laguna looked over at the blonde boy.  He didn't get it…did Zell have a previous hobby of swatting flies?  _Well at least I've got an idea of what to get him for Christmas_.

Zell pretended not to hear him, and started up the boom box.  "We'll start off with some stretching," he said as he stood in the front center.  "Touch your toes, everyone! Reach as far as you can, and keep those knees straight!" 

Laguna tried as hard as he could to touch his toes, but unfortunately, his legs muscles weren't quite as limber as they used to be. He was almost down to his ankles when he heard Selphie say "Come on now, Quisty, I know you're more flexible than that! Reach for those toes!" She then quickly shoved his head towards the ground in an effort to help him reach farther. Exhibiting a range of motion he didn't know he possessed, Laguna's fingertips brushed the tops of his feet, at which point Selphie let go of his head. 

"See? I knew you could do it, Quisty!" 

"Th-thanks, Selphie…" Laguna said weakly. He could have sworn that every muscle in his legs was pulled and would never work again. 

"Now, one and two, and three and four!" Zell said energetically as he began punching the air, alternating his fists.  Everyone in the room did as he did.

"This is fun, isn't is Squall?!?"  Selphie exclaimed as she began punching, accidentally hitting him in the stomach.  "Whoops, sorry bout that."

"I can't…keep up!" Laguna huffed and puffed.  

"It's just warm ups Instructor.  You're supposed to be more fit than any of us," Seifer said boringly.

"Doubletime!!" Now Zell moved his fists in a frenzy of jabs.

"Back to swatting…" Seifer muttered as he struggled to keep up.

"Good job ladies!  And…err…guys." Zell said as he slowed everyone back down into a jog.  "Alright, high kicks!  And one and two…"

"I bet…I can…kick higher…than you Squall…" Selphie said between gasping for air.

"I'm sure…you can," he admitted as he watched her kick.

"Hey, Leonhart!  I bet I can kick higher than you!" Seifer yelled from next to Rinoa.  Never would Squall turn down a challenge from Seifer.

"You're on!" 

"DOUBLETIME!!"

The two boys grunted as they thrust their legs higher and higher in the air.  Both were not as flexible as the girls, but they were going pretty high for guys.  All of a sudden both were aware of a very loud RRRIIPP and a CLUNK!  For a second time seemed to stop as everyone looked at Seifer.  His black pants had ripped, exposing his pink bunny-adorned boxers, and he had a giant red splotch on his face where he had kicked himself.

"Bravo!!" came a voice from the back of the room.  Everyone turned around to see Irvine still sitting on a bench with his thumb up.  "Good show!  Good show!"

"Oh Seifer!  You're wearing the boxers I gave you!  They look so cute!" Rinoa exclaimed, clapping her hands.

The entire Quad erupted with laughter, and Seifer looked more uncomfortable than ever.  He looked at Squall (who was trying to maintain a straight face) and mouthed, "They were my only clean pair!!"  Then looking back at Rinoa, stated, "Well, that's too bad.  I guess I better go back to my dorm and change…"

"Like hell you're leaving!" Squall yelled.  "It would be so rude of you to leave in the middle of Zell's first class…" he was enjoying torturing him.  He turned to face Zell, who was still moving around to the music.  "You aren't going to let him leave, are you!?"  _I don't want to be the only guy participating in this!!!_

"Hey, Seifer, why don't you come to the front of the class." Zell said with an evil glint in his eye.  "Let's see that wonderful high kick of yours!  I saw some people in the class doing it wrong, and I want to use yours as an example…"

It took every bit of will power for Seifer not to pummel Zell at that moment.  Gritting his teeth, he did as he was told, much to the amusement of the rest of everyone else.  "Very good!  Now, let's see them in double time!"  Now extremely humiliated, Seifer picked Zell up by the collar of his shirt.

"Die!!"

"Uh…" Zell looked around wildly, looking for some way out.  "Time for a break everyone!"  Seifer promptly dropped him and walked off to where Rinoa stood with some water bottles.

Squall had gone over to Selphie, who was preparing to pour water over his head.  Not suspecting anything, he stood next to her and that's when she got him.  As Rinoa watched them, she got very angry and crushed the water bottle in her hand, causing the liquid to splatter everywhere.

  Then, out of nowhere Rinoa seized Seifer's hand and was attempting to make somebody jealous.  "Hey Squall what's up?" the raven haired girl asked casually every now and then eyeing her hand that had been placed in Seifer's.

_Oh.  So is she trying to make Squall jealous_? Laguna thought, as he watched her from where he stood.

"Nothing," he replied without even glancing back at her.  Laguna was starting to have a lot of fun with this.  He liked Squall's circle of friends.  They were amusing.  

The girl that had been trying to catch his son's eye seemed to be fuming at the fact that her hand holding had done little to make Squall jealous and had now moved Seifer's hand onto her own butt. 

"Oh Seifer!" the girl squealed in a high pitch and annoying giggly voice.  "Squall!  Can you even believe Seifer!  He's touching my butt Squall!  Do you see this?  Squall….my butt?  HE'S TOUCHING MY BUTT, SQUALL!!"

Laguna had now taken a seat on the floor just as most of the rest of the class had done.  All women are fascinated by soap operas…and now they had a real live one playing out before there eyes…and each of them had there on favorite characters.  

What Laguna could not understand was why Squall couldn't hear this banshee of a girl.  His eardrums had certainly popped and poor Selphie beside him was crouched over pressing her hands over her ears and she looked on the verge of ripping this girl's vocal chords out.  

The class watched intently as she removed one hand from her ear, then another, each Tae-Bo student preparing themselves for the worst, she stood up straight, grabbed Squall's hand out of his pocket and slammed it onto her own butt.  "HEY RINNY!!!!  LOOK WHATS ON MY BUTT!!  SEE IT!!  MOST COMMONLY KNOWN AS SQUALL'S HAND!!!  WHY DON'T YOU GET OVER IT ALREADY?!! YOU DUMPED HIM, REMEMBER?  HE'S MINE NOW SO DEAL WITH IT! HUAH!!" she roared.  Then, changing her tone completely, she smiled happily, "Huah, well that felt good!  I haven't yelled in a really long time!  Sorry Rinny!  Still friends?!"

The class stared in awe at the girl.  Most had never seen something quite so remarkable.  Selphie Timitt, the infamous ever happy SeeD, had just told off bitchy lil' Rinoa.  Not only this they had probably witnessed one of the worlds biggest and fastest mood swings in the history of their planet and many others.

Squall this whole time had been listening to headphones, and he noticed that his hand…that he was sure had been in his pocket seconds ago, was groping something.  It was soft…and smooshy…  Then…his eyes got wide at the realization of exactly what was in his hand.  Pulling the headphones out of his ears, he was only able to hear snippets of what Selphie was yelling.

"Oh my Hyne!!  I'm so sorry!  That was in my pocket just seconds ago!  I have no idea…how that…Jesus!  I swear it was in my pocket!!!

"Oh, it's ok, Squall, I put it there!" Selphie said brightly. 

"So, do you forgive m-WHAT?!?!" 

"Well, you sure have an interesting girlfriend Squall.  I like her!" Laguna beamed.

"Quisty…are you okay?  You know we've met…right?" 

"Oh, yeah…that's right!" Laguna said nervously, then began laughing maniacally.

"Break's over!  Get back up everyone!" Zell was back, and he made sure that he avoided eye contact with Seifer, who hadn't been allowed to change his pants and was still looking vaguely like he wanted to kill him. "All right, it's time for side kicks everyone! Make sure you spread out now so you don't hit anyone! First to the left!" 

Everyone in the class stepped far away from Selphie and started kicking out to their left side. Just then, Laguna's klutziness came back to haunt him. In the middle of a kick, he suddenly lost his balance and, as he felt his legs slip out from under him, also sensed them making contact with what felt like someone's stomach. He glanced up as he hit the floor, and almost like slow motion, saw Rinoa being thrown off balance from the force of his foot. She fell straight back and knocked Seifer in the shoulder with her head. Seifer stumbled for a minute, and then sprawled out on the ground, once again showing the whole class the pretty pink bunnies on his boxers. Just then, Laguna felt a sharp pain in his leg. 

"Ahhh! Leg cramp!! Help me, someone!!" he yelled as he clutched his leg while rocking back and forth on the ground in pain. 

"Everyone! Remain calm! I'm right here! Just…uhh…take deep breaths and you'll be fine! " Zell shouted, trying to take control of the chaotic situation. The odds were against him though. Besides "Quistis" on the ground in the midst of a leg cramp, Rinoa lay on the floor moaning and resting her aching head in her hands, and Seifer was still on the ground as well with one eye barely open, pretending to be passed out to avoid more humiliation. 

Taking stock of the situation, Zell decided that all good things must come to an end. "Tae-bo is dismissed, everyone! The next class is a week from today! I hope to see you all there!" He then turned and noticed Selphie trying to help Rinoa. 

"Rinny! Rinny! Snap out of it! Ok, umm…how many fingers am I holding up??" The short brunette asked her friend, holding up 3 fingers.  

"Nine…" she said, her eyes glossy.

Selphie looked at her hand, "I don't even have nine fingers on my hand…" Shrugging it all off, she bent down and helped her friend up.

"Aw man!  Class wasn't due to be over for another fifteen minutes!" Irvine complained loudly from the back.  

Once again, the Quad was full of noise as everyone scrambled to pick up their things.  "I'll…uh…call Dr. Kadowaki…" Zell murmured as he ran for the exit.  It wasn't long before he returned with her.

"What's the problem?" she asked looking at everyone.

"Well…Quisty's leg is hurt, Rinny has been knocked senseless, Seifer isn't moving…and I hurt my finger!!" Selphie held up a single finger, and tears came to her eyes.

"How'd you hurt your finger?"

"I broke a nail when I punched Squall in the stomach!"

"I thought I felt that…"

Kadowaki rolled her eyes and looked at Rinoa.  "It looks like you have a concussion…  You better come with me back to the infirmary."

"Are they serving cheeseballs today?" Rinoa asked.

"I'm…uh…not sure…" Kadowaki answered slowly.

"I like cheeseballs…"

"I'm sure you do.  Squall, can you please carry Seifer back to the infirmary for me?"

Squall looked down at the lump on the floor that was Seifer and kicked it.  "Get up, everyone's gone."

"Are you sure?  _Everyone_?" 

"Yes, now you can go back to being the same egotistic maniac that you've always been." Squall then walked over to where 'Quistis' still sat on the floor.  Selphie was next to here, shaking her violently.

"Can---You---Hear---Me!?"

Laguna was still off in his own world, rocking back in forth, mouth agape, clutching his leg.  "Selph…it's her leg that's the problem.  Not her hearing."

"But she's not responding to anything!" Looking back at the stunned instructor, she started waving her hand in front of her face.  Nothing was happening.  

"Zell, give us a hand!  We need to snap her out of it!"

Zell, who was at the time picking up the class' mess, headed in their direction.  "Try yelling random things at her!" he suggested.  The couple exchanged glances and started in on it.

"Waffles!  Pixie Stix!" Selphie yelled.

"Gunblade!  Uh…SeeD!"

"Hotdogs!  Buns!" That did it.  

Laguna's eyes darted back up to him, "The Annual Esthar Bun Squeezing Contest!  It's taking place on the 5th of August, that's in a few days!  I must enter!" With that, her leg cramp seemed to disappear as 'she' ran off.

"That was very weird…"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

That's it!  Sorry it's taking us so long to update this story, but you have to understand that we're working on several projects at once.  Please forgive us.  *Bows*  Noelle (Save-the-Queen) helped a lot with this chapter!  Um if anyone knows who Zero Katra is….tell them that they're not very nice and they made us really sad.  That review didn't do much for boosting our energy for writing more on this story.  Anyway I've decided(BreeAnne) that I want to be a fox demon.  Aren't foxes the coolest?  Ya they're so cute!  Anna says she's going to be a silver wolf demon but who cares?  I'm gonna be a fox demon and foxes rock!! Oh and by the way…NOT a fox demon like Shippo.  Well, the only other news I have is that we have all been severely depressed.  Our boyfriends have been telling us sad stuff and our friend (chocolatecreme06) wrote a really sad poem.  And my dog killed 3 baby bunnies!  I love my dog but they were the cutest little things!  So small!  2 of them fit in my hand.  Awwwww!  We named them.  Hoppit.  Lucky (cause it was the last surviving bunny, cept sophie had broken its back so the vet killed it), and Chibi(cause it was so little).  Aww my babies!  Tomorrow I'm leaving for South Carolina.  I won't be back for like a week so Anna can't do anymore writing/musing without me.  Yup so you'll just have to wait for me to come back everyone!!  Oh and uh…I might need to be updated on what happened on .hack// and Kenshin if our hotel doesn't have a tv or if it doesn't have the channel oh and someone tell us what happened on Trigun for the last 2 nights.  OK!! Nuff random babbling from my end!!  Perhapus(its not a spelling error I just like saying it like that) …is this the end?  Ah but no!!  I must let Anna have one more word in!  Here we go.

Anna: Bye!

BreeAnne: That's her one word.  Sayonara!  I'm so proud, she didn't go over the word limit!!  ^_^


	6. You Caught Your Office on Fire, AGAIN?

**ChocoboKnight: **Sure we'll put you in! We aren't sure if the fangirls are going to be used very much, but if they are we will definitely get you in there! ^o^

**Hitokiri-chan: **We have a style!? Wow! We didn't know that. We just write, and that's about it! Hehe. 

**Ryu-Chibi: **Sorry to say, but this story won't be as long as Trading Spaces most likely. As a matter of fact, I'd say that it has about three chapters left…that is if we can get them written. We're slow. ^o^

**Dark Pheonix and Archangel 666: **We're actually starting to like Quistis now, hehe. I guess it's mainly because she's a big character in another story we're writing, and now (at least when we write her) she reminds us of someone we know. So, she's not quite so annoying anymore! ::Applaudes::

Swapping Souls: Chapter Six

"What are you doing, Laguna?" Kiros asked, leaning against the doorway. Most of the Palace staff was getting worried about him. He had gone into his office everyday right when he woke up, and didn't return until dinnertime.

Quistis looked up from some papers she was shuffling through just long enough to make eye contact with him, then she went back to the papers. "I'm organizing everything."

"Organizing!?" he exclaimed, "The last time you did that you caught half of the Palace on fire!!"

"That was only because the President of Trabia smoked like a chimney and he left a cigarette still going in the ashtray…I just so happened to place a piece of paper in there and…" Quistis stopped herself, and her eyes grew big. _What the crap!? How did I know that? I wasn't in his body when that happened! _

Now Kiros was staring at her, more confused than ever. "Is something the matter, Laguna?"

"Arrange a meeting with Instructor Trepe of Balamb Garden. I must talk to her immediately!" 

Still confused as to what exactly was happening, he nodded and left the room.

If I can remember events that happened to Laguna, does that mean that I'm actually turning into him!? What if it isn't reversible, and we can never switch back?? Hyne, out of all people, why Laguna!? I must see if this is real!

Timidly, she walked over to the couch and turned on the television. **Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants! **

*Balamb Garden*

Laguna had been lying in bed when the phone rang. "Why can't I suffer in peace!?" he cried. It had only been an hour since he got back to the dorm from Tae-Bo and he thought that he would die. His muscles ached and he almost didn't know how he managed to get to thedorm without crawling.

Tiredly he picked up the phone. "Yes?

"Quistis, it's Dr. Kadowaki. I need you over here as soon as possible!"

"How come?"

"I'm in over my head, I need some extra help down here and since you are my most qualified assistant, I need you here _now_!"

"Uh…most qualified??" Laguna stumbled over the thought of him having to help out at the Infirmary.

"Don't start your modesty with me now, I really need some help. Please, hurry over." Laguna heard the phone click off and he stared in disbelief at the receiver. It wasn't even a question; he might as well have been forced to do it.

"I don't want to!" he said childishly. He knew that he had no way of getting out; he had to do as she asked. And from the sounds of it, if he wasn't there soon she would open up a can of whoop-ass when he did get there. Before he left however, he decided he might as well equip himself with as much protection as possible.

Quistis had a lot of useful stuff in her dorm, and everything was so easy to find too! He quickly found a trash bag, some latex gloves, a belt and a can of Lysol. After he had everything situated, he dragged himself out of the dorm.

"Maybe while I'm down there I can get something for my aches…" he thought optimistically. Never did he think that Kadowaki would have him running all over the place.

When he entered, he heard her call out, "Right in time, Quistis! In recovery room 1B we have a patient with the common flu. He needs medication, will you be sure to fix him up with something? When you're done, come help me with Rinoa. Someone beat the crap out of her at those Tae-Bo lessons."

"Uh…."

"Good to hear it! Now hurry! Shoo! Shoo!" she said hurriedly, shoving him into a room. A junior classman sat on the bed; his nose was red and running. 

"Uh…hi there. My name is Lag-Quistis!" 

"I know, I have you for Defensive Magic," he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Laguna scrunched up his nose. _What does a doctor do with someone who has a cold? _

"Um, I think I'll start by taking your temperature," he said as he put on the latex gloves. He scanned the room and finally found the thermometer. "Okay…now open up!" The student opened his mouth and as Laguna was getting ready to put the thermometer in it, the kid sneezed. 

"Ah! I'm infected!" Laguna cried, dropping the thermometer. He then pulled out the Lysol and sprayed himself numerous times, then turned the can on the kid. The poor child coughed as the aerosol was laid heavily on him.

"Quistis! Quistis! What do you think you're doing!?" Kadowaki yelled, annoyed, "He has a cold for crying out loud!"

"He sneezed on me!! Do you realize how many germs he has passed on to me because of that!?" 

"You'll live!"

"How do you know? YOU WEREN'T THE ONE WHO WAS SNEEZED ON!!"

"I'm a licensed doctor. The worst you'll get is a common cold."

"The _worst? _What can be worse than a cold?"

"Dysentery."

"Huh?"

"Basically, it's a bad case of the shits," she rolled her eyes. "You should know these things, Quistis."

"Yeah…I uh…forgot." 

"Well, that's understandable. Please, all I need for you to do right now is proscribe him some medicine. Rinoa is in the other room with a serious head injury, so if you please…."

"Oh, sorry," he bowed slightly. Kadowaki nodded and left the room, leaving him once again with the young patient. Laguna was disgusted and apprehensive, the student was scared out of his mind about being sprayed again.

"Um…okay…let's try this again…" Laguna said as he slowly approached him with the thermometer a second time. This time he didn't sneeze. "Okay, you have a temperature of 99.7…" then he thought for a moment. "Do you know what normal body temperature is?"

The kid looked confusedly at him, "You're supposed to know that. You're the doctor!" 

"Of course I am!" he said, puffing out his chest. "But…it's uh…um…think of it as a pop quiz."

"Normal body temperature is 98.6." 

"Well then, you definitely have a fever."

"Yeah…definitely…" the kid said slowly. It looked as if he was getting ready to duck if the Lysol came his way again.

_What else am I supposed to do?, _he inquired. When he was bored he used to pretend to play doctor, but that was completely different. Normally Mr. Teddy wasn't too upset if you proscribed him the wrong medication. Nervously, he pulled a notepad off of the counter and scribbled something that was almost illegible then handed it to the student.

" 'Spongebob Squarepants'…?" he read off of the paper. 

"Yes! The best prescription one can receive!" Laguna announced, throwing his hands up. "Spongebob makes everyone feel better!"

The patient stared at Laguna, absolutely dumbfounded. "Now, go. Get out of here. You're done." Still dazed and confused, the boy hopped off of the infirmary bed and walked out of the room, at a pace that was much faster than normal.

"Okay, I gave him his prescription, can I go now?"

"No! Give me a hand with Rinoa!"

Laguna sighed and walked to the other recovery room where Rinoa lay on a bed. She was conscious, but she had mild amnesia. When he got inside the room, Kadowaki handed him a bunch of gadgets, "I need to go into Balamb and buy some more gauze," she said, "We're running low. Watch over her while I'm gone. She tends to try and sneak away."

Laguna stared down at the tools she had handed him, wondering what the hell he was holding and what their purpose was. He watched Kadowaki leave the room, clueless as to what he was supposed to do next. 

"Uhhh… So Rinoa, how are you feeling?" 

"Do I know you…?"

_Oh Hyne_, he thought, _this is going to suck._ It wasn't very long that he had been in there when his stomach started to grumble. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was passed noon. "Okay, Rinoa…" he started slowly. "I am hungry. Hun-gry. I want food. To eat," he said emphatically. "I am going," he walked in place, "To the cafeteria," he pointed. "You STAY here," he pointed to her bed. "UN-DER-STAND?" 

Rinoa by this time seemed to be very interested in the ceiling. Laguna just shrugged it off and left the recovery room in hopes that he could get to the hot dogs before Zell. 

As soon as Laguna had left, Rinoa's eyes looked away from the ceiling and focused on the door. She clambered out of bed, intent on getting away from the infirmary before he returned. Upon stepping out, she ducked around the corner, trying to look unsuspicious. This however, made her stand out even more then she intended. 

Many students watched her as she tiptoed quickly away, Seifer among them. "Where the hell is she going?" he whispered to himself. "She's still injured!" Of course she was still injured! This was apparent by the amount of gauze and bandages still wrapped around her head. He followed behind her, careful not to make too much noise.

The brunette stopped in front of the Training Center, looked both ways, and ran in. Seifer's eyes bulged, and he sprinted in after her, forgetting all notion of secrecy. There were too many things that could happen to her in there. Especially if the T-Rexaur got a hold of her…

Seifer dashed in and looked around wildly. Where had Rinoa gone? He couldn't see her, but he thought her heard her voice. Using instinct, he followed the sound, it seemed as if she was having a conversation with someone. But whomever she was talking to, didn't appear to be talking back. At least not as far as Seifer could tell.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you…oh you are too kind! What? You mean this old thing? I bought it in a thrift store several months ago!!" 

As he rounded a corner, the first thing that he noticed was the T-Rexaur. That was when he saw Rinoa standing at his feet, hands clasped behind her back, swaying back and forth like a little girl on a playground. His heart almost stopped. "Rinoa! Get the hell away from there!!!"

"Oh him? I don't know…he's been following me for the past few minutes."

"Rawr?"

"Maybe he's a stalker! He's going to try and rape me!" 

Seifer suddenly was very confused. Had she just befriended the most feared monster in the Balamb region, _and _not only that, accused him of wanting to commit a physical assault such as rape? Seifer drew his gunblade and advanced slowly on the two unlikely friends, hoping to annihilate the dinosaur. 

Rinoa turned around when she heard him approach and screamed. "AHH! He really is a stalker!! Sic him, Amelia!" 

"Amelia!? It's a girl!!!?" Seifer exclaimed. What really surprised him was that the T-Rexaur actually listened to her. Afraid that if he were to fight the beast that something might happen to Rinoa, he instead grabbed her by the waist and ran out of the facility with her slung over his shoulder.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, hitting his back with her fists. "RAPE!! RAPE!!!" What was bad became worse. They had both managed to escape the Training Center in one piece, but unfortunately so did 'Amelia'. The dinosaur was closing in quickly; she was on Seifer's heels, intent on saving her new friend. Students in the hallways dived for cover, so as not to become a meal. 

Rinoa continued to beat on her boyfriend's back, still screaming out threats and profanities. Finally Seifer snapped and yelled, "I'm trying to save your fucking life, you loser!!" She stopped momentarily, it seemed almost as if she were in thought.

"Wait, do I know _you_?" she asked. He rolled his eyes and continued to run.

Slowly, the blonde was progressively getting tired. They had already run past the dormitories, he would take refuge in the next facility, and hope to Hyne that the beast couldn't get through. Panting and gasping for breath, he scrambled into the cafeteria. He saw Quistis sitting at a table, viciously attacking a hotdog. 

"Professor!!" he shouted. 'Quistis' looked up, a bit of relish on her chin, and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. She tried to say something, but the food was sticking in her throat, so quickly she spit it out back on to the plate.

"Rinoa! What are you doing out of the infirmary!?"

"You tell me! You were supposed to be watching her!" Seifer shouted. Suddenly there was a loud crash and Amelia stood in the frame of what was once the doorway. 

"Uh…no!" she yelled and ducked under the table, curling into the fetal position. Screams came from every direction as the monster stealthily crept forward. 

"Please, let it eat Seifer. Please, let it eat Seifer. Please, let it eat Seifer…" Seifer heard Quistis chant from under the table, her fingers were crossed and eyes closed. 

"Professor! I could use some help here!" he said. He had now turned to face the T-Rexaur, his gunblade once again drawn. 

"I'm a little busy right now!!" came 'her' response. Seifer didn't even bother to argue with her. There was no way he could fight the monster with Rinoa over his shoulder, so against his better judgment he set her down. Immediately she ran over to Amelia, and threw her arms around her front leg. 

The creature had momentarily stopped its reign of terror, but Seifer wasn't too certain that it was harmless. While Rinoa calmed it down, he had time to think. "Damn it! Where the hell is Leonhart when you need him!?"

As if on cue, Squall walked into the cafeteria, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Jesus, you'd think that with all this noise the T-Rexaur got ou…oooo…" he stared wide-eyed at the beast that stood in the middle of the room. He rubbed his eyes again and squinted, then turned around and started walking back to his dorm. "I must be dreaming…" he mumbled to himself. 

Seifer stared after what he had hoped would be his extra help. "Thanks _COMMANDER_!" he shouted after the retreating figure. "Fine, then where's the chickenwuss? They're serving hotdogs today so he should be in here! We can just feed him to that monster, and then it won't be hungry. Maybe we can get it back into the Training Center then…"

Zell overheard this and decided to join Quistis under the table. 

Seifer glanced around, but didn't see the martial artist anywhere. He sighed and decided that he would just have to be killed later. As for now, a plan was needed, and it was needed quickly. He peered over at Rinoa and her new friend and tried to come up with a solution. _Hmmm, maybe Rinoa would be able to lead it back to the Training Center. It seems to like her well enough…_

"Rinoa!" he shouted. She turned around and looked at him. "Go back to the Training Center." Now the brunette seemed confused. "TAKE AMELIA HOME!" he eventually exploded.

"Oki dok," she said happily, and skipped down the hall, Amelia following behind.

"That was screwed up. _Very _screwed up. I think I need a nap…and a good plan for mass murdering Squall and the chickenwuss."

Zell gulped from under the table, but Seifer couldn't hear him and he walked off to his dorm without another word. "That was nuts!" Zell said, turning to the blond woman who was also taking refugee with him.

"Yes…we should do it again sometime."

"Huh!?"

"Quistis Trepe, please report to the Headmaster's office, Quistis Trepe."

"Uh-oh, you're in trouble!" Zell sang, much like what the junior classmen do to each other when one of their friends is called to the office. 

"You have _no _idea…" Laguna said slowly. He knew he was going to get quite a talking to.

*Esthar* 

"Oh my Hyne! I can actually tolerate it! I actually _enjoy_ it!" Quistis exclaimed, staring at the television. "This is too much, I have to get a hold of Laguna!" She got up and ran across the room, tackling the telephonein the process.

Kiros stood in the doorway, a single tear in his eye. "I'm glad to see you're back to normal."

"Uhh…thanks?" Quistis said slowly. Kiros stood there, staring at her and beaming, "Is there anything in particular you want? Because I need to do some very important business…stuff…" She wanted to kick herself. How come that as of an hour ago, her vocabulary had been steadily declining to that of an elementary school student? Kiros nodded and left the room, mumbling about how he was going to tell Ward about Laguna's improvement. 

Once he was out of hearing and seeing distance, Quistis tore the phone from the receiver and jammed in the familiar phone number. The phone rang, several times, but no one was picking it up. Finally, the answering machine clicked. "Hey everyone! It's QUISTIS!" her voice blared in her ear. "Listen, I'm not really good with these kinda things…Selphie's helping me out and she says you have to beat the beeper…whatever that means. Alrighty then! If you haven't figured it out by now, I am not here, I a-," Suddenly a loud beep sounded, signaling Quistis to leave the message. 

"You changed my answering machine!? I sound like an idiot! LAGUNA! I need you to call the Presidential Palace pronto! We have a crisis on our hands!"

*Old habits*

"Hey, Quistis," Laguna looked up from the desk he was working at. He was getting used to the old instructor's daily life, and was actually starting to find it quite fun. Squall was standing in front of him, though he was hardly visible over the many stacks of papers and old coffee cups. "I know it isn't really any of my business, but you haven't been acting yourself lately. I mean…look at your desk!" 

"Is there something wrong with it?"

"Let's put it this way," Zell said, approaching the desk as well. "If I asked you what I got on last week's magic test, could you even find it so you could show me?"

"Uh…." Of course he wouldn't be able to find it! The mess of papers on the desk was so enormous that it would take forever to find anything! 

"You used to say that cleaning helped you calm down, maybe you should use your planning period to organize your desk. It's just an idea," Zell said. 

"Um, okay." Planning period, eh? That was his naptime! He never planned out classes, as a matter of fact, what was taught to the students was based on whatever he was thinking at the time. Basic remedies for leg cramps, or the second sorceress war; it all depended on his train of thought. 

"We'll see ya instructor!" Zell waved and left the room. Squall took one last look at the pile of trash that was supposed to be a desk, and shook his head. 

"Have fun," he finally said as he left the classroom.

"Ooooh, yeah. I'll have lots of fun…" Laguna mumbled to himself. How could cleaning possibly calm anyone!? It goes against all laws of nature! Cleaning is supposed to be a chore that you only did when it was completely necessary. All teenagers should know that! Most teenagers, when asked to clean, will whine or come up with some sort of excuse so they wouldn't have to. And, if a teenager did clean on his or her own free will, most parents know at that time, that he or she wants something. So, why in the name of Hyne, would Quistis like _cleaning _of all things!?

Laguna knew for a fact that when he was a kid, the way to get cleaning out of the way was to find the easiest and fastest way to get it done. Basically, you simply move all of the unwanted objects to another location. This was most useful when cleaning his bedroom. He would simply kick everything under his bed and everything that didn't fit, went in his closet. 

In the classroom however, there weren't many places to hide things. 

"Surely to Hyne she doesn't need _all _of these papers!" he said aloud. Using his childish logic of finding the fastest way, he decided that a fire spell would be very effective. All he had to do was cast fire, and that would get ride of all of the papers and other flammable objects that were on his desk. 

Sure, it wasn't the smartest decision, but he was more concerned with speed. "Here goes nothing. Fire!" He aimed the spell at his desk and immediately all of the papers burst into flames. After watching the fire for a couple of seconds, he thought of something he hadn't before. How was he going to extinguish it!? Now, all of the offending trash on the desk was gone, but the fire was spreading and burning the actual desk.

"Oh no! This is the second office that I have managed to catch on fire!" he exclaimed. Flames licked the ceiling and started dancing ever higher. "Oh, I am _so _screwed when Cecil finds out!" 

Desperately, he scrambled out of the room and shut the door behind him. He'd just have to find someone to help him, that's all. He ran down the hallway, hoping to run into someone familiar. Selphie was standing and looking over the platform next to the elevator.

"Sefie!" he called out to her. She turned around and smiled at him. "Oh boy, am I glad to see you. I have a teensy-weensy little problem," he held his thumb and his forefinger about an inch from each other to emphasize this.

"What's wrong?"

"Um…" He really didn't want to admit that he had caught the entire second floor classroom on fire, so instead he just jumped to his main question. "Do you have any water spells I could possible junction?"

"Quisty, you have at least one of every spell known to man junctioned to you already."

"Oh, o-of course I do!" Laguna laughed madly. "I knew that!" And he ran back off to the classroom, Selphie staring after him, apparently confused.

When the ex-president opened the door back up, he realized that the fire had spread. Not only was his desk still smoldering, but several of the students' desks had caught fire too. 

"Whaddle I do!? Whaddle I do!?" he cried as he ran around the room, casting as many water spells as he could on the flames. It wasn't working, and before long he had used up all of the water spells he had available. He managed to get his desk to stop burning, yet there were still many other fires across the room. "Oh boy….ohboy-ohboy-ohboy…" Shutting the door behind him, he fled form the room again.

Selphie was still standing on the platform. "Did you get whatever you needed done?" she asked.

Laguna's hands were on his knees has he struggled to catch his breath, "I need…more…powerful….water spell…" he panted. "Is there…a water based…GF?"

Still looking worried, Selphie cocked her head to look at the 'instructor' "Do you mean Leviathan?" 

"That's the one!"

"You have all of our GFs junctioned to you when we aren't on missions."

Laguna hit himself in the face a few times. "Haha! That's right! Thanks Selph!" and with that, he ran back to the room.

Never had he attempted summoning a GF before. He had heard about it, and it didn't seem too difficult. Quickly, he shut the door so that no one could see the flames or him attempting his first summoning. 

"Tidal Wave!" he shouted. A power he never felt flowed from within him, and when he reopened his eyes there was a water dragon coiled up. The blue dragon opened its mouth and hissed, and from behind it a huge wave swept through the room. Slowly, but surely, the room was retaining water and before he could do anything to stop the flow of water he found himself swimming in it.

*Selphie's POV*

Selphie had been standing on the platform; she was waiting for Rinoa to get out of the infirmary, and for Squall and Seifer to get out of the Training Center. The plan was for them all to go on a double date, depending on Rinoa's condition of course. From where she was standing, she could see Training Center easily. 

Just when she was deliberating on whether or not she should check up on Rinoa, she heard an earsplitting roar that sounded very familiar. She thought for a bit before she realized the probability of what had happened. "Hyne! Did Quistis summon in an enclosed space!?" 

Now all thoughts of checking up on Rinoa were abandoned as she decided to check on the instructor first. As the small SeeD approached the classroom door, she noticed water spewing out from the crack underneath. The door was shaking violently from the pressure on the other side of it.

"I probably shouldn't open it…" she said to herself, but then she had a mental image of Quistis floating around inside this indoor swimming pool of sorts, completely helpless.

"What's wrong with the classroom?" someone asked from behind. Selphie turned around and Zell was there.

"I think Quisty summoned Leviathan!"

"WHAT!?"

"Open the door!" she begged him. "We need to get her out of there, and I don't want to get hurt!"

"So it's alright for me to get hurt?"

Selphie didn't answer. "Okay, stand back Selph. I'll get her out of there…" he said valiantly. He didn't have toopen the door after all, for when he approached it the entire door snapped off of it's hinges due to the overwhelming water pressure and both of the SeeDs were carriedback by the water current coming out of the classroom. 

"Oh my Hyne! I felt something brush up against me!" she screamed as she latched on to Zell's leg. "It's a shark! I know it's a shark!" 

Zell had grabbed on to a doorknob to another classroom. "Selphie, how many times do I have to tell you, there are no sharks in Gard-," but before he could finish, he felt something swim passed him as well. Both of the teenagers looked to see the gargantuan Leviathan swim beneath them.

Zell's eyes widened and he almost passed out. 

"QUISTY!!!" Selphie yelled, scanning the once hallway, now manmade ocean. Finally the blond instructor came into view, she was holding on to charred black desk as if using it for a personal flotation device and her glasses were hanging off of her nose. 

The water level was getting lower as the liquid spewed onto the lower levels and spread across the hallway. Eventually, Zell was able to let go of the doorknob, and both he and Selphie were able to stand knee deep in the water. "Are you alright!? What happened?" Zell yelled across the hallway to the instructor.

"Room's clean…" she simply stated, then she put her head against her desk. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Haha, put a little twist into the story to make it more interesting. For this chapter we need to thank a few different people. First of all, Noelle for helping with the Rinoa and Amelia story, and Suzy for supplying us with the quote "I'm trying to save your fucking life, you loser". A quote in which she really used. ^o^ Please review, sorry we're slow. You'll have to put up with us for a little while longer. I know, you hate us don't you?


	7. 21st Annual Esthar Bun Sqeezearama!

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed since the previous chapters…

Chapter 7

"WAKE UP!!"   Suddenly, Quistis was aware of the sound of an air horn being blown into her ear.  As she jerked upward it caused Laguna's black hair fell into her face and she looked wildly around the room.  The digital clock said it was just about ten minutes until four in the morning.  On her right Kiros and Ward stood, Ward holding the air horn and Kiros beaming from ear to ear.  

"It's not even four yet!" she complained, pulling the blankets over her heard.

"Today's the day!" Kiros said, excitedly.

"What's happening today?" Quistis said into her pillow.

"It's the bun squeezing contest!!"

"Oh Hyne…no," Quistis complained, burrowing herself even further into the blankets.  

"Oh yes!  Ward!  Grab his ankles and throw him out of bed!"

The big man did as he was told, and no matter how much training either Laguna or Quistis did, nothing would have been able to stop him from achieving his goal.  Quistis suddenly found herself sitting on the floor, utterly defeated.

"Come on!  We have approximately twelve hours until the preliminaries start!  Are you ready to sweat!!?" Kiros said, throwing a fist into the air.  Quistis now thought that maybe some of Laguna's traits had rubbed off onto the dark skinned man.  She never remembered him being this obsessive about anything when she went into the 'dream world'.  

"No, I'm perfectly fine with being sweat free at the moment," she argued climbing back into the warmth of her sheets.  

"Too bad!" Kiros chided.

Ward pulled Quistis back out of bed and dragged her to the doorway.  

"It's twelve hours away!  Let me sleep for another six of those hours!  I will be happy then!"

"There's no way.  You're going to be training, extra hard!"

Quistis' eyes widened and she desperately began clawing at walls and any other protruding objects so that she could maybe grab on to them to stop her procession down the hallway.  

"The roster this year has grown considerably!  Even that Quistis Trepe of Balamb Garden has entered!"

"Qui-Quistis?  She entered!!?" Quistis exclaimed.  Maybe, just maybe she could talk to Laguna and figure out a way for them to switch back.

"Yes, and as well as someone else from that region.  Can't remember the name though," Kiros shrugged.

Quistis continued to struggle in vain attempts to get Ward to drop her.  Finally she was successful, though once he did lose his grip she plummeted to the ground.  "Thanks Ward, thanks a lot…" she griped, rubbing her butt as she got back up.

"No time for gratitude!" Kiros shouted, grabbing Quistis by the arm and dragging her to the kitchen.  "The first part of any winner's day!  BREAKFAST!"

"But it's still 4 a.m…"

Kiros shot her a glare that meant, 'eat or I'll force it down your throat.'  This look, however, disappeared when he placed a plate of eggs in front of the scowling Quistis.  The food had been made into a pathetic smiley-face design.

Almost as if she had no control over what she did, Quistis clamped her hands together excitedly and squealed, "My favorite!!"

Ward beamed and sat down across the table as did Kiros.

Quistis snapped out of her 'Laguna-state-of-mind' and scowled wide-eyed at that annoying face that continued to smile up at her, completely oblivious to its fate.  She wanted to gobble it up just so that it would stop staring.  Then again, she also wanted more sleep.  So, angrily she flipped the bacon upside-down to make the face frown then stabbed one of its 'eyes' with a fork and watched the yellow goo ooze out.

"I'm going to back to bed," she yelled, pulling herself up from the chair.

Kiros stared at her, his left eye twitching, and then looked back at his precious meal that he had cooked all by himself.  He had not resigned himself to giving up just yet.  Ward jumped out of his seat and ran around the table so that he could block off 'the president's' progress down the hall.

"Out of my way, I'm tired!" she griped, pushing to no avail at the taller man.  

"….!" And with that, he held Quistis' arms behind her back so that she couldn't move, Kiros approached with the plate.

"Here comes the airplane!!" He buzzed his lips and made aerial circles with the egg-laden fork, finally forcing it into her mouth.  

*Meanwhile in the Classroom*

"And so, when the brave hero, Laguna Loire, lead the resistance against the sorceress…" Laguna continued lecturing the class on the Sorceress War, his favorite subject since he got the opportunity to mention himself many times.  The students however, were slowly beginning to hate it because they had heard about it too many times.

Instead of listening to the instructor, most of the students were talking to each other on their study panels.

Squall was talking to Selphie on his study panel, Seifer was talking to Rinoa and Zell was constantly entering and exiting other people's conversations.

**I'm glad we're leaving Garden early today!  **Selphie's message popped up onto Squall's screen.

**Yeah, don't tell too many people… **Squall typed.

**I'm so excited!  Our first vacation together!!  **

**It won't be a long one.**

**Shh!  Stop spoiling my excited-ness!  **Selphie scolded him.  ****

Zell had typed something into his study panel to the Trepies in the front of the room about how boring Quistis' lecture was that particular day, and in response he was getting several death treats.  As he read through them, laughing at himself, he glanced over at Squall's panel to see **'Ahh!  You're such a sweet bunny!' **pop onto the screen.

"Bunny?" he snickered, extremely close to Squall's ear.  Squall jumped and looked over at Zell.  "Ooh, that's so cute!  It's like shmoopsie-poo or something!"

Squall flushed red and used all the willpower he had available not to pummel Zell into the ground.  "Can I call you 'bunny' too?  Or would you prefer snooky-ookums?" the martial artist cackled.  Squall didn't respond.  "Do you have a pet name for her?"

"No," he whispered back, and typed another message to Selphie.

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I just never thought of it.  I was never one for pet names anyway."

"Well, that's no fair on her part!  You should come up with a pet name for her!"

"Yeah?  Like what?" Squall sighed, he really didn't like where this conversation was going.

Zell only thought for a split second before responding with, "Hotdog!"

Squall rolled his eyes, "No."

"Oh, c'mon Squall!  A hotdog is what every man wants in a woman!  First of all, they smell so good!  Whenever you're around them, you can't think straight, all you know is that you _have _to have one!  One bite is never enough, they're low maintenance, not to mention they're in high demand and short supply."

"Maybe that's the case with you, but if that really _is _the case, you need to get psychiatric help."

Zell shrugged and went back to his computer see Seifer leaning over it.

"What the hell are ya doing man!!?" Zell whispered harshly.

Seifer smiled deviously and went back to his own computer.  Zell's eyes followed him, and he uneasily sat back down in his own seat.  He shook his head and typed, **I don't care what you people claim, Quistis has set a new boring-ness record, and probably even a 'most number of students fallen asleep' record.  **Once he sent it to the Trepies, he realized just what Seifer had done.  The bastard had changed Zell's username from 'HotdiggityDog' to 'Chickenwuss', so when the Trepies responded to him, they were mocking non-stop at his choice of a username. 

Zell made a mental note to kill Seifer once class was out, err…or have Squall do it for him.

Seifer leaned back in his seat and put his feet on the panel's keyboard.  He was running out of things to do, so instead of messing with other people's keyboards, he began throwing random objects and paper airplanes at 'Quistis'.  Just as he was running out of paper, he heard the sound of a door closing on his computer and noticed that TonberryKing had signed off.  Quickly, he glanced over at Squall to see if this was really the case.

Indeed, instead of talking on the Garden network, Squall was sitting with his arms folded, looking like he was on the verge of falling asleep.  Seifer chuckled and signed back on the network.  

Please type in the username you will be using during this session, the type scrolled across the top of the screen.  Sniggering, he typed in TonberryKing.  Right when he signed on he received a message from LuckyCharm.  He knew this to be Selphie. 

**Decided against taking a nap? **

**Nah, I wanted to talk to you more.**

**Oh, you're too sweet!  ^_^**

**So, about tonight… **he typed, smirking.  **You wanna get busy?**

**o.O  ** Selphie looked up from her computer and glanced around the room.  Squall was over in his corner snoring quietly.  **Who is this?  **She typed into the console.

**Your lover, who else?  **

Now extremely confused, Selphie continued to look frantically around the room.  She noticed Seifer sitting at his panel snickering and she knew immediately that it had been him.  Forgetting the fact she was in class, she got up and stormed over to where he sat.

"Ms. Tilmitt!" Laguna said over his book.  "Hey, what are you doing?"

Seifer looked up just in time to see Selphie and her 5'1''-ness standing over his computer, her hands on her hips.

"Hiya, Selph.  Whatcha up to?" he asked innocently.

"You perv!"

"Huh?  _Me?_"

Rinoa now looked up from her study panel to look at what was happening.

"You're gonna get it!" Selphie exclaimed, raising a fist into the air.

"What are you going to do?  Spank me?" Seifer pretended to pout. 

Selphie narrowed her eyes and began to crawl over his desk, "Why you…big…fat….MEANIE!"

"Hey!  I resent the 'fat' part!" he yelled back.

"No physical assaulting in class!" Laguna spoke up, but everyone was ignoring him at the moment.

Squall woke up to see Selphie about ready to…he wasn't sure what she was getting ready to do to Seifer, but it didn't look good.  Rinoa continued to watch in interest.

"Selphie, Selphie--what are you doing!?" Squall asked, jumping up from his seat and grabbing her around the waist to pull her off of Seifer.

"He's being a poo-head!" she yelled, arms and legs flailing as Squall struggled to restrain her.

"Seifer, what'd you do?" Squall huffed, continuing to drag Selphie away. 

"I have no idea!" he answered, putting his boots back on top of his computer, making sure his heel hit the emergency shut down button, to hide all evidence of what he had done.

Squall rolled his eyes and finally managed to pull Selphie back to her seat.  

"Now…where was I?" Laguna thought aloud.  The students groaned and Zell slammed his head against the keyboard of his computer.  "Oh, yes!  The sorceress memorial!  Now, you see, the real reason why it's there-" he was interrupted when the alarm on his wristwatch went off.  

_The contest is starting in three hours!  I need to head to Esthar!  _"Uhm, class is dismissed!"

"Thirty minutes early?" one of the Trepies asked.

"Yes, think of it as a…um…reward for listening so well," he said as he gathered his belongings off his desk and threw them into a bag.

The Trepie looked around the room at the countless people sleeping or chatting on the Garden Network, but he didn't say anything.

"Hey, Quisty!  Where ya going?" Zell asked, running down the center aisle. 

"Esthar," he replied as he continued to frantically pack.  "Hotdog bun squeezing contest," and with that he ran out the door.

"H-Hotdog?  WAIT!  Quistis!  Wait up!  I wanna go too!" Zell yelled and ran after her.

"C'mon, Selph," Squall mumbled.  "Maybe we can beat them to the Ragnarok."

"Yah!  I'm so excited!  Aren't you Squally Wally!  I've always wanted to go back to Esthar!  Maybe we can even visit your dad!"

"…Yeah…maybe…"

*The Preliminaries!*

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the 21st Annual Esthar Bun Squeezing Contest, brought to you by the United Bank of Esthar.  And everyone please welcome last years returning champ, who has held the title Ultimate Bun Squeezer for the last 15 years, President of Esthar, Mr. Laguna Loire!!" 

The crowd erupted in cheers as Quistis was pushed onstage by Kiros.  She stood there, scowling and waving mechanically at the audience.  "President Loire, you have held the championship title for fifteen years now, are you going to seize it once again this year?" A reporter approached her and shoved a microphone in her face.

"Well, I wasn't exactly planning on it…" Quistis spat, but she was elbowed viciously in the ribs by Kiros.  "Yeah, sure, I'll seize it again," she said forcefully, and grimacing began rubbing her side.  

"You heard it folks, President Loire, aspiring to be the Bun Squeezer champion for his sixteenth year in a row.  This has been Kate McCoy, signing out for Channel 6 News."  The woman beamed at the camera and turned around and shook Quistis' hand, "Thank you so much for the interview, Mr. President," then she walked away.

"I hate my job," Quistis murmured into Kiros' ear.

"Contestants!  Please step forward," one of the judges shouted.  About thirty men and women stepped up to a table.  Quistis began looking frantically around for Laguna and spotted him all the way at the other end of the long table.  

And what was it that he had done to her!!?

Mortified, Quistis saw that Laguna had taken her hair out of her usual professional bun and instead wore it in two long pigtails, thus making her appear to be about ten years younger than she was.  Also, he was wearing the most outrageous clothing ever, as a matter of fact, she didn't even know if the clothes he was wearing even belonged to her.

Next to Laguna, stood a very excited looking Zell.  The blond man was looking in all directions, his tongue hanging out of his mouth like some sort of dog.  Finally he looked back to Laguna, "Where are all the hotdogs at, Quisty?"

Laguna smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head, but before he could answer someone else spoke up.

"It's a bun squeezing contest.  No hotdogs, just buns."

"You lied to me!" Zell yelled.

"Well…I didn't want to come alone!" Laguna yelled back.  "It's a very long trip from Balamb to Esthar and if no one came with me I would be forced to talk to myself, and the last time I did that people were staring at me funny!"

"Well, I don't blame them," Quistis said quietly, joining the two.  "Zell, do you mind?  I'd like to talk to your instructor alone."

"S-Sure thing, President Laguna!" Then he walked away, thinking to himself, _Wow, he remembered my name!!  _

"Greetings, _Ms. Trepe, _it's been a while," Quistis said venomously.

"Uh, h-hey Quistis!  H-How've you been?  Things have been going great at Garden!  Your friends are very….interesting."

"Yeah, well I'm sure they think you're acting more interesting than they are." 

"Huh?" Laguna looked at the floor then back at her, then to the side, placing a hand on his chin.  He eventually said, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

Quistis grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it upwards.  "What the hell have you done to my hair?" she asked, through clenched teeth.

"Are you alright?  You seem quite grumpy.  Did you not have breakfast?" Laguna asked, pawing at her hands and trying his hardest to get her to drop him.

"Answer my question!"

"It was getting in the way!  Every time I tried to write something, your bangs would just fall right in front of my eyes.  It was getting annoying!  This way, the bangs are out of my face and I can SEE again!"

"Haven't you ever heard the saying, 'one must suffer for beauty'?"

"Yeah, but who said anything about anyone being 'beautiful'?"  Quistis hardened her grasp around the collar.  "I-I-I just w-wanted to be able to s-see again!"

She probably would have thrown the poor man across the room if Kiros hadn't stopped her at that moment.  "Laguna!" he scolded, "What have I said about beating up the other contestants!?"

"You know what?  There've been many times when I thought about getting your hair CUT!  You know what that means!!?  Snippy, snippy!  Away it goes!"  Quistis screamed at him as she was being pulled away by Kiros.  Then, at a loss for words, she began dragging her finger across her throat, signifying 'DEATH!!!!!'.

"Cut it out, Laguna!" Kiros said as he pulled Quistis to a booth.  "Now calm down, take a few calming breaths, feel the air…see the buns, _become _the buns!"

Quistis rolled her eyes and followed him nonetheless.  

"Now, the preliminaries are starting in a few minutes.  Be a good boy and play nice with the other contestants, and SQUEEZE BUNS LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SQUEEZED BEFORE!!!" 

"…." Ward smiled.

"He said good luck," Kiros translated quickly, then pushed Quistis into her seat.

Pursing her lips together, she glanced around the table for anyone who she may know.  Her eyes landed on Laguna, but the sight of herself in pigtails embarrassed her so much that she quickly looked away.  Zell sat at the table beside Laguna, chin resting in his hand.  

"I can't believe there aren't any hotdogs," he was mumbling to himself.  "Where there are buns, there's got to be hotdogs…  They're hiding them from me.  That's what it is.  Maybe that's the prize!  If you win this contest…whatever it is…you get a lifetime supply of hotdogs!"  He looked deviously around the table, "I won't allow them to win!" he smiled evilly to himself.

Quistis couldn't help but laugh slightly.  There was someone else who looked somewhat familiar at the table, though she couldn't place it exactly.  Whoever he was, he wore a cloak with a hood, and it appeared as if he were wearing glasses with a big nose and mustache attached.  She shrugged, not being able to place who it was.  Yet, that was all she seemed to know in the contest.  

Only Hyne knew who all was actually watching.  Quickly, she prayed that the contest wasn't televised.

"Welcome everyone from all over!  This is Esthar's 21st annual Bun Squeezing contest!" the crowd roared with applause.  "Now, many of you know the rules, but for those who do not, they are very simple.  Here in a moment, each person will have two bowls set in front of them, one full of hotdog buns and the other completely empty.  The contestant must then pick up one of the buns and squeeze it until either the bun is no longer squeezable, or until they can't squeeze anymore.  If the bun is no longer squeezable, they will then place it in the empty bowl and move on to their next bun.

"Those who can no longer squeeze forfeit.  The last person standing wins."

" 'The last person standing wins…'" Quistis mocked the judge.  "It's a bun squeezing contest for crissakes!  How much energy can it possibly take out of someone?"  She said it quietly, not expecting anyone to hear, and she figured no one had until she felt someone hit the back of her head.  Surely enough, Kiros was standing right behind her, arms folded across his chest and glaring down his nose.

"Contestants, are you ready?" the judge asked picking up his stopwatch.  Everyone around the table seemed to nod consecutively.  "Then, on your marks, get set…GO!" 

Everyone was attacking their hotdog buns, squeezing with all their might.  As much training as Quistis had to endure, she realized that it was not nearly enough to keep up with everyone else.  Laguna, from the other side of the table had already finished his first bun and was moving on to his second.  

Even though the contest really wasn't the most important thing to her, she new she had to make it to the finals.  She had to talk to Laguna again and this could be their last chance to see each other for a while.

"Rookie, Quistis Trepe, seems to be going to town with her hotdog buns!  Just three minutes into the match and she has successfully squeezed a grand total of five, count them folks, five buns!  Mr. Trahnoel is making a close second!"  He referred to the cloaked man.

At the sound of her name, Quistis looked up.   "Will our champion President be able to catch up?  Or is he going to allow the youth beat him this year?"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME OLD!!?" Quistis and Laguna both shouted at the same time to the judge.  For a second he switched his microphone from hand to hand nervously, then continued as if nothing ever happened. 

"Whoa, folks.  Zell Dincht, another rookie is doing very well also!  It must be the Balamb youth.  Mr. Dincht, when did you start your bun squeezing training?" the judge called out over the audience.

"Uh, I didn't learn the rules until about ten minutes ago, and I never trained."

The judge looked at him confusedly, then decided he heard him wrong, "Wow, that's true dedication, Mr. Dincht.  He seems to be catching up with the lead squeezers!"

Quistis was starting to sweat.  "How long does a typical contest last, Kiros?" she asked.

"You should know!"

"I've never paid that much attention!"

"The longest bun squeezing contest ever was approximately twenty minutes."

_Twenty minutes?  I'll never win!  I can't keep up, _she thought as she desperately grabbed another bun.

Everywhere, people were dropping out.  Cries of agony could be heard from down the table as a particular man fell out of his chair clutching his hand.  "I can't go on!" he yelled upward.  

"Get up, get up Sanders!  Don't resign yourself to losing yet!" his trainer scolded him.  

"I c-can't!" the man cried.  "I can't do it!  You'll have to go on without me!"

"…?  Go where?"

"……"

His trainer looked as if he was going to say something else, but soon paramedics rushed to the scene to pick him up on a stretcher.

"Aren't they over-reacting?  It's just his hand.  It'll be better in a little while."

"…Well, aren't we condescending?" Kiros said, putting a hand to his hip.

"Wow, what stamina!" the judge interrupted their quarrel, "Never in my life have I seen such stamina!  At this rate, I wonder whether President Loire will ever catch up!

"My hand!" Quistis yelled, panting.  

"What about it?"

"It….hurts!"

"What!?"

"I…can't do this for much longer!"

"No, Laguna!  You can't quit now!  You must endure the pain!  The championship!  It WILL be yours!"

"I don't want it!"

Kiros gasped.  "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"Ms. Trepe and Mr. Trahnoel are neck-in-neck.  Ten minutes have passed and we've had eight forfeits."

"I can't go on much longer!" Quistis warned Kiros.  She felt the muscles in her hand tightening up the more she used them.  "At this rate, I'll never be able to use my hand again!"

"Maybe not, but at least you'll have the title."

That was it.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  Quistis promptly stood up, threw the bun at Kiros' head and stomped off, yelling, "I FORFEIT!"

"L-Laguna!" Kiros ran after her.  "You can't forfeit!  If you forfeit, it makes me look bad!"

"Too late!" she spat, massaging her hand.  "I'm sitting out for the rest of the contest, I'll watch from here on out."

She plopped down in an open seat and continued to watch the contest. The chair was actually pretty close to the table, so she got a good glimpse at what was happening.  There weren't many people up there.  Laguna was left, along with Zell, the cloaked 'Mr. Trahnoel' guy, and another girl.

Zell was the next to go down.  His face covered in sweat, he looked at the judge and said, "I forfeit.  Not even a year supply of hotdogs is worth this."

"A year supply of hotdogs…?"  The poor judge.  He would be leaving with a very big headache at this rate.

With a big smile, Zell stood up, bowed a few times to his cheering fans, then walked to a different unoccupied chair to watch the rest of the contest.  

"This is sure getting exciting folks!  Balamb Garden's Instructor Quistis Trepe is just barely in the lead; Mr. Trahnoel is slowly catching up!  Ms. O'Malley is coming in third place."

With a squeal, the girl fell out of her chair, panting.  "I can't squeeze anymore!"

"Ms. O'Malley is down.  Now we're down to the final two.  Who is going to win!!?"

Quistis was putting her money on Laguna, but she silently hoped that he didn't.  If he did win, she would never get the chance to talk to him.  The reporters would be swarming around him.

"We are closing in on twenty minutes!  And still, our two finalists are going head-to-head.  What stamina!"

Shouts of, "Qusitis!  Quistis!" were coming from the audience.  The real Quistis sighed.  Laguna had ruined her image.  The infamously stern prodigy was gone; she was going to be replaced by rookie Bun Squeezer.  

Suddenly, to everyone's amazement, Laguna fell out of his chair, clutching his leg.  "Ow!  Ow!  My leg's cramping!"  

"It seems that Ms. Trepe is having difficulties with her leg!  According to the Book of Bun Squeezing, that is a forfeit.  Mr. Trahnoel is this year's Bun Squeezer!"  

The crowd erupted with more cheering as the cloaked man stood up, his arm was held above his head by the judge.  Paramedics rushed to pick up the fallen 'instructor', who was still rolling around clutching his leg.  

"Mr. Trahnoel, excellent job!  Now that you've won the title of Ultimate Bun Squeezer, what'll you do next?"

Before the contestant could reply with a, "I'm going to Mesmerize Land!" (or something along those lines) the judge patted his back so hard that the Groucho glasses he had been wearing flew off.

Quistis' jaw dropped open.  Now she knew who he was, and even at that she couldn't believe it.  She rubbed her eyes, squinted at the man, then rubbed them again.  From behind her, she heard someone say, "Oh well the secret's out.  Wahoo!  GO SQUALL!  You're the best Bun Squeezer ever!  I'd know!"

Quistis turned around to see Selphie jumping up and down on top of her chair a few rows back.  Squall turned a bright shade of red but said nothing.

Zell stood up from his seat in the crowd, pointed at the red Commander and laughed hysterically.  "Snooky-ookums comes in two colors!" 

"That's it, Dincht!  You're going down!" Squall yelled at him.  Zell's eyes widened and he ran away into the crowd, hiding within the mass of people.

Even as interesting as it was that Squall had entered and won the Bun Squeezing Contest, Quistis was more concerned with finding Laguna.  They really needed to talk.

"Hey, Kiros!" she yelled, pushing her way through the crowd.  "Where do the paramedics take the contestants?"

"The local hospital.  Why?"

"We need to go pay Instructor Trepe a visit!" 

"President Loire!  Would you mind if we interviewed you?  Very quickly?"

Quistis gave Kiros a look and he nodded.  He grabbed her hand and led her away from everyone.  The two hopped into a taxi and sped away.  Even as crazy as Kiros was about some things, Quistis couldn't help but feel thankful that he was at least nice.  Crazy, but nice.

The ride to the hospital wasn't very long.  Still rubbing her sore hand, she walked in and walked up to the receptionist.

"Hello, Mr. Loire!" the woman beamed.  "What can I do you for?"

"I need to see Ms. Trepe.  She was brought in here not long ago."

"Ms. Trepe…?"

Pursing her lips, Quistis shook her head and said, "She has blond hair in pigtails, very beautiful young woman…"

"Well…there was a woman with blond pigtails that came in…"

Quistis could have ripped every hair out of her head, one by one, after that comment, but she said nothing.  

"It was a false alarm though.  She never actually saw the doctor.  She seemed to have recovered on her own.  I believe she said something about taking the next flight back to Balamb."

Utterly defeated, Quistis walked back out to where Kiros kept the taxi waiting.  "Damn it!  Barely missed her!" she cursed, kicking at a stone on the ground.  "Can we go to Balamb?"

"Is this one of your spontaneous vacations?"

"No!" she answered defensively.

"Then can't it wait until tomorrow?  You should come back to the Presidential Palace to recuperate."

Reluctantly, Quistis followed him back into the taxi.  "To the Presidential Palace!" Kiros said to the driver.

Haha!  Well, we know that we've been making everyone wait a very long time, and we're very sorry.  On the bright side, we're going to try to finish this story up within the next month or so.  So hopefully updates won't be so slow.  (_Hopefully _being the keyword here).   Anywho!  We are in need of Beta-Readers for some of our future fics!  (We have two future stories: Crazy De Chocobo (FF7) and an untitled Gravitation story).  If anyone is interested in it (details are in our profile) then email us!  But, these are FUTURE fics, so they won't be started for a while.  (We're just trying to get plot lines straight at the moment, and Beta-Readers situated).  Review away!  We're looking forward to what everyone has to say! 


	8. Congratulations O Mighty Bun Squeezer

Swapping Souls

Chapter 8

            Tired from having a day full of squeezing buns, Quistis dragged herself through the front door of the Presidential Palace, followed closely by Kiros.  "I'm so tired…" she mumbled, feeling her eyelids getting heavy.

"You can't go to sleep now, Laguna," Kiros smiled.

Quistis narrowed her eyes and spun around to look at Kiros, "And why can't I?"

"Because we need to get rid of your evil spirits."

"My evil spirits?" Quistis rolled her eyes and pivoted back en route to her bedroom.  "Yeah, that's nice Kiros, I'm going to bed now."

"You can't!"

"Why not!!?"

"I've come to the conclusion that you lost this year's contest is because you have too many evil spirits surrounding you."

"Uh-huh…" she shook her head, "And how do you expect to get them away?  Do you practice some weird form of Voodoo?"

Kiros smiled and said nothing.  Now extremely freaked out, Quistis sprinted back up the stairs, only to be cut off by Ward.

"…"

"He says to not worry," Kiros translated.

"Too late!  I'm officially worried!!"

"It will be over soon!"

Looking desperately every which way, Quistis finally screamed, "Stop it!  You're scaring me!  I'm going to pee my pants if you keep staring at me like that!"

Kiros smiled wickedly and Ward stepped aside.  

"You can go on to bed, but we _will_ perform the ceremony tonight."

*Congratulations O Mighty Bun Squeezer*

            Zell had managed to make it back to Balamb before everyone else, and when he did he made sure to inform everyone of where Squall had been and what he had achieved while he was gone.  Together, they quickly put together a small congratulations party for him in Zell's dorm.  Seifer, Rinoa, 'Quistis', Nida, Xu, Selphie, and of course Squall were all invited.  

            Zell called Selphie on her cell phone and informed her to lead Squall to Zell's dorm as soon as they got back to Garden, and to NOT say anything to give it away.  

            She did as she was told.  The door swung open and everyone jumped out, "Surprise!" they screamed.  

"So it sounds like you finally came out of the closet!"  Seifer laughed.  "Bun Squeezer, eh?  If you're going to have such a perverted infatuation, couldn't you at least use _real _buns?"

"Hi everyone," Squall sighed.  "I suppose Dincht told you about the contest."

All who was in the room nodded simultaneously except for Quistis who appeared to be crying in the corner.  

"What's wrong with her?" Selphie asked.

"I don't know…" Zell said slowly, "she's been that way ever since we got back from Esthar."

"The pupil has surpassed the master, I know I should have guessed this would happen someday, but he was never even really my pupil!  It isn't right!  I can't believe, my own son!" she cried into her knees.

"Is she going to be alright?" Selphie asked again.

Zell shrugged.

"Since when does she have a son?" Squall asked, raising his eyebrows, and Zell shrugged again.  

"Just leave her alone, she'll come around eventually," Rinoa said with a small smile.  "Let's play a game!"

Squall rolled his eyes, "I don't really want to be here.  I'm tired, I want to go to bed."

"Nope!  Mr. Party Pooper!" Selphie chimed, "We're going to have fun, fun, FUN tonight!"

"What should we play then?"

Zell pointed a finger in the air, as if pointing to a light bulb that just went on over his head, then jumped up and ran to his refrigerator.  He brought back a bottle of ketchup.  

"No chickenwuss, we aren't going to see who can make the best hotdog!" Seifer rolled his eyes.

"Oh ye of little faith.  This is spin the bottle!"

Nida laughed and shook his head.

"What?" Zell demanded.

Everyone else joined Nida in laughing.  

"Why are you laughing at me?"

"Spin the bottle was a game you played in the sixth grade, chickenwuss.  No one plays it anymore!"

"Says who?"

"Everyone," most everyone said simultaneously.  

"Hey, Xu.  Do you remember spin the bottle when we were Junior Classmen?" Seifer asked with a small wink.

Xu blushed.  Rinoa looked from Xu to Seifer angrily but said nothing.  Xu in the meantime recuperated and shot back at Seifer with, "Hey, Seifer, do you remember seven minutes in heaven when we were trainees?"

That did it for Rinoa.  She walloped Seifer upside the back of the head.  "Jerk!" she screamed.

"Hey!  Don't hit me!  I didn't even know you back then!"

"But I still want to play it!" Zell whined.

"Oooh, has Zelly-Welly never gotten a kiss?" Selphie said in a joking manner, but once Zell didn't answer she figured she knew the answer.  At this Seifer began laughing maniacally.

"HAHAHAHA!  Almost eighteen and never been kissed!  AHAHAHA!  That shit should be on some sort of soap opera!"  

"Yeah, thanks for the support Seifer."

"HAHAHA!  Chickenwuss never got kissed!"

"SHUT UP!"

Laguna, who had just recovered from his depression from losing the contest, entered the conversation at the wrong time.  He wasn't sure what spin the bottle was.  "Hey, Zell, I'll play."

Zell looked at 'Quistis' utterly shocked.  "Nah, don't worry about it.  It's no fun unless it's a big group."

"And how would you know?  You've never played it!" Seifer laughed again, now gasping for air.

"I SAID, SHUT UP!"

"What other games do we have?" Xu asked after she got tired of watching Seifer and Zell fight.  

"I looked all over my dorm and all I had was Monopoly," Laguna sighed.  "I hate that stupid game.  I suck at it."

Everyone stared at him amusedly.  "Really?  You kicked all of our lame asses the last time we played," Squall said.

Laguna shrugged and didn't say anything else.

"I brought my favorite games!" Selphie exclaimed.  "See!" she held out two brightly colored boxes.

"Candyland?  Chutes and Ladders?" Rinoa asked slowly.

"Yup!  Fun, huh?"

"I thought this might happen, so I brought Catch Phrase."

Xu sighed with relief.  "Okay, that game is at least decent."

"We need two teams!" Seifer announced.

Team one consisted of Squall, Selphie, Nida and Laguna.  Team two was Seifer, Rinoa, Xu and Zell.  

"Leonhart's team should go first, they seem the most handicapped," Seifer laughed.

"Hey!" Selphie and Nida said in unison, as Laguna busied himself with looking around at all the laughing faces.

"Quistis!  Argue back!  You've got to be one of the smartest in Garden!" Nida said, nudging her in the side.

"Huh?  I'm sorry, I must've missed what you said.  Could you repeat that?" Laguna said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Haha!  That just proves my point further!" Seifer laughed.

"Okay, shut up and start the game," Squall said monotonously.

Seifer handed the disk with the words in it to Selphie and started the timer.  

"Okay!  It's um…slimy!  And gross.  And it has two googily eyes on top of it's head," she started describing the word on the disk almost too fast to hear.

"Slug?" Nida asked.

Squall leaned over and whispered, "Anyone want to switch teams?  I can't understand a thing she's saying."

"I can!" Zell smiled.

"Oh yeah, of course chickenwuss.  I forgot that you could speak girl."

"Hey!"

"You can't switch teams once the game has started," Xu said.

"And they have a shell…."

"Adamantoise!!?"

"No!  Adamantoises aren't slimy, are they!!?"

"Selphie!  Hurry up!  Just switch to the next word!" Squall yelled at her.

"No!  It isn't that hard!"

"Then hurry and describe it before the buzzer goes off!"

"Uh…slimy!"

"You already said that!" Squall and Nida yelled at the same time.

"Grr!  You leave me no choice!"  She got down on the ground and started to slither around like some sort of a bug.

"Inchworm!" Laguna yelled.  "Oh, uh uh uh!!"

"Shell!  I have a shell!"

"A SNAIL!!!!" Laguna finally screamed.  

"Yeah!  Wahoo!" she screamed, then stood back up, hit the side of the disk so that it switched to the next word, then handed it to Xu.

"Okay.  The opposite of…" BEEP!!!  The buzzer went off, signifying the end of the first round.  "That's not fair!" Xu screamed, throwing the disk down.

"Yes it is!  Fair and square!" Selphie yelled.

"If you hadn't taken forever to describe a snail, then it wouldn't have beeped off on me!"

"But it _did _therefore we won the first round!" Selphie screamed and stuck her tongue out.  

"Okay, whatever," Seifer laughed and moved Squall's team's piece forward on the board.  "Round two starts…." He started the buzzer again… "Now!"

*VooDoo mania*

Quistis was awoken when she heard her door fling open.  The sudden sound shocked her, but nothing scared her so much as to see what was standing in the doorframe.  Kiros and Ward descended upon her, cloaked and wearing facemasks.  Kiros was chanting some strange language, and Ward banged on drums.

"Guys?  What're you doing?" 

Neither answered, Kiros only continued to chant.  

When they got to the bed, Ward stopped playing the drums with a loud bang and Kiros stopped chanting.  Ward then grabbed Quistis and pulled her out of bed.  

"Put me back!  Put me back!  Put me back!  I'll be goooood!" she screamed.

"This is for your own good, Laguna."

Together, Kiros and Ward led the struggling Quistis into a room that she had never seen before.  The only source of light was a few lit candles and she could see that on a table a stick of incense was burning and sending its scented smoke every which way.  On the floor, many symbols were painted everywhere.

"This is the epitome of creepy," Quistis said wide-eyed.  "Can I go back to bed now?"

"No!  I forbid it!" Kiros shouted, then he tore off his shroud.  Now all he had on was a pair of tight leather pants, his bare chest was painted and he wore a shrunken head around his neck.  

Quickly, the dark skinned man picked up some chalk and drew a circle around Quistis.  "Don't leave that circle!" he ordered her.  She did as she was told, but mainly because she was too scared to move.

Ward began banging on his drums again, and once again Kiros started dancing around, chanting more bogus rhymes.  

With another bang of the drums, it was silent again.  Then Kiros started shouting, "Now we shall purge the evil spirits from this body!"

Quistis' eyes got even wider.  "Whoa, whoa whoa!" she screamed, "Isn't exorcism by lames _extremely _dangerous?"

Kiros said nothing.

"Not only that…aren't exorcisms painful!!?"

"You claimed earlier that you didn't have any evil spirits.  This is just to make sure, so if you don't have any, then it won't hurt, will it?"

"I guess not…"  But now, she wasn't so sure that she wasn't possessed by evil spirits.  One couldn't be too sure when faced with an exorcism.  "I don't want to be exorcized!" she screamed, tears springing to her eyes.

Kiros and Ward ignored her pleas to stop and continued running around, banging drums and chanting.  Kiros' chanting got louder and louder to the point where Quistis was sure that he would wake up the entire Palace (though not many people actually _lived _there).  

Momentarily Quistis considered stepping out of the circle and running for the door, but was afraid of some strange Voodoo trick that would prevent her from actually getting out.  Then there was the fact that Ward always seemed to conveniently appear before her when she tried escaping anyway.

Her mind had been wondering, and when she snapped out of her trance-like state she realized that she lost track of Kiros.  He wasn't within eye-shot and _that_ was not a good sign!  Now on the verge of hyperventilating, she started to look desperately around. 

"Wooga booga!" someone screamed, jabbing her in the side.  She screamed so loud, Rinoa would have been proud of that scream and jumped completely into Ward's arms.  

"Exorcism is over!"

"That hurt!" she complained, climbing down from Ward's arms.  

"Big baby.  It wasn't that bad.  You didn't have any evil spirits to exorcize anyway."

"I told you!  But you didn't listen!  Instead you had to scare the piss out of me!" 

"That's alright.  Since there were no evil spirits, we'll just have to work you double hard for next season.  I've already thought up next season's training schedule!" he exclaimed, taking the mask off and handing her a calendar.  "Training begins next week!" he smiled.

 I can only hope to Hyne that we switch back before then… 

"You can go on to bed now, Laguna."

"…."

"Goodnight to you too Ward," Quistis said, holding her forehead with her right hand and walking out of the room.  The incense was starting to get to her head and she just wanted to sleep.

*Par-TAY!*

            "I still don't think it was a fair game," Xu complained, crossing her arms across her torso.  

"Aw, you're just a sore loser, Xu," Selphie laughed.

"I can't believe your still holding Selphie accountable," Nida laughed, "yeah, she caused you guys to lose the first time, but after that everything improved."

"If it wasn't for that first game, we would've gotten to the end before you!" she yelled.

Sure enough, Sefier's team lost to Squall's team by one point.  

"Oh, come on, let's just play something different," Rinoa said.

"What's left to do?  It's midnight already," Zell pointed out.

"Don't worry, I've pulled some strings, we can stay here all night if we want to," Seifer announced.

"Ahh, the benefits of having a boyfriend in the Disciplinary Committee," Rinoa swooned, hugging Seifer's arm, trying to make sure that Squall was paying attention.  He wasn't.

"So then, what next?"

"I still have Candylan-"

"NO!"

"Fine!  Meanies!" Selphie stuck her tongue out at everyone.

"Hey, there's always strip poker!" Seifer beamed.

Rinoa hit him again and screamed, "PERVERT!" this time.  "I would expect that sort of a comment coming out of Irvine, but not from you!"

"Hey!  Hey!  Easy does it!"

"I've got a game we can play," Xu said, tapping her lip, "But lets wait until later to play it."

"Okay," everyone agreed.

From there, it seemed everyone broke off into two groups and started talking.  One consisted of all the boys in one corner and the other group was all the girls in the other corner.

After Seifer said that everyone could stay the entire night without getting into trouble (as long as they acted 'responsibly'), Selphie ran to her dorm and brought back several sleeping bags, pillows and fluffy toys, then arranged a bed for herself that took up about one fourth of the entire dorm.  All the girls sat around on her 'bed' and were talking.

"So, what is your idea of a perfect date?" Rinoa asked, dreamy eyed.

"Date as in where we would go?  Or as in a perfect guy?" Xu asked.

"Well, let's start it off with where you would go," the brunette suggested.

"Me first!  Me first!" Laguna exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Okay, Quistis first since she seems the most enthralled at the moment."

"My perfect date would be running through dewy fields without my shoes and frolicking with the animals."

"….of course it is Quistis…" Xu said slowly, then she turned to Selphie and whispered, "How much sugar has she had tonight?" 

Selphie shrugged and giggled.  When they had gotten there, all Zell had to offer was hotdogs, so her and Rinoa had to go pick up real food from their dorms.  Selphie managed to bring a lot of Pixie Stix…which probably wasn't the best choice on her part.

"Okay, moving right on along…my idea of a perfect date is very simple.  Unfortunately, Seifer," she glared in his direction, "isn't the romantic that I am."

"What is it Rinny?" Selphie asked.  

Seifer, upon hearing his name, turned to listen as well.

"It's very simple," she repeated, "Just snuggling on a couch, watching a chick flick with a fire in the background."

"Oh, Hyne…kill me now," Seifer said looking at Squall.

"Hah!  She's your responsibility now!" Squall laughed.

"How about you Xu?" Rinoa asked.

"You know me, I'm the go out to dinner then dancing kind of girl."

"Boring!" Selphie pretended to gag.  "My idea of a perfect date is to go to an amusement park!  Ride on the roller coasters and stuff!"

"Hey, Leonhart, I'll switch ya!  Rinoa for the Messenger Girl."

"Nope.  Rinoa is high-maintenance, Selphie isn't."

"So I've noticed."

"Okay, perfect guy?  Xu, you go first!" Selphie giggled.

"Is this what they do at their slumber parties?  How incredibly boring!" Seifer rolled his eyes, yet still remained listening.

_You have no idea, _Squall thought, remembering the slumber party he had to host when he and Selphie switched bodies.  

"Well, I have to admit, I like gay guys," Xu giggled.  "They're so cute!"

All of the other girls giggled along with her, while Squall and Seifer stared confusedly.  "I guess that's their equivalence to us being turned on by girls making out…" Seifer thought out loud.

Squall shrugged.

"My idea of the perfect guy," Selphie started up, "has long brown hair, he has to have a scar between his eyes…"

"Getting a little specific, aren't we Selphie?" Xu laughed.

"Oh!  I think I know who you're talking about!" Laguna shouted.

"That's great Quistis, nothing ever gets past you."  Normally, this comment wouldn't be as sarcastic as Rinoa said it, but lately, their "Quistis" had been acting rather strange….  (Hehe.  ::Evil grin)

Squall blushed slightly, and turned away and Seifer just laughed.

"Alright!  Me next!" Rinoa said.

"Hey!  I wanted to go next!" Laguna whined, but Rinoa only stuck her tongue out at him and continued.

Sefier began to listen intently, knowing that she would have to describe him.

"My idea of the perfect guy has red hair and green eyes!  Red hair is just so sexy!"

Seifer's jaw dropped.  "What about me!!?" he asked, though not loud enough for them to hear.

"I know you're listening over there!" Rinoa laughed.  "This is GIRL TALK, go back over and talk to Zell and Nida!"

"But they should really be talking with you ladies, the only real men here are…well…I'm the only real man here," Seifer said, puffing out his chest.

"Whatever," Squall shook his head and walked over to Zell.  Seifer followed, though he really did want to hear the rest of their conversation.

"Quistis, you're next."

Laguna thought for a moment, then said, "My idea of the perfect person has brown hair, plays the piano, and they have to look awesome in a dress."

(All the girls by this point-- O.O)

"Um, Quisty, you wanna come with me for a second?" Selphie asked, grabbing Laguna's hand and leading her out of the room.

"Sure thing Sophie!" Laguna beamed.

"Squall, you come too !" Selphie yelled, opening the door and shoving 'Quistis' outside.  Looking confused, Squall followed them out into the hallway.  

"Uh, Quisty, you've been acting very strange lately, is there something you wanna tell us?" Selphie asked her.

'Quistis' smiled wryly and began rocking back and forth.  Only Hyne knew how many Pixie Stix she had consumed.  Using a finger, she beckoned Squall to come closer, and uncomfortably, he did.  "Squall," she took two deep breaths with her hand in front of her mouth to make the breathing sound raspy.  "I am your father."  Then she began laughing maniacally.

"!!?  What the hell?" Squall asked.

"Oh!  Oh!  I've seen this movie!  I know this one!  He's the one with the breathing problems, right!?"

"BINGO!!!" Laguna exclaimed, giving her a high five.

_Darth Vader…_Squall thought bitterly.

"How about this one?   'Oh, Jedi knight are you?'"

"Oh!  Oh!  He's the short green guy!"

_Yoda…_Then suddenly a wonderful thing happened.  Squall put two and two together, and he came up with a theory about why Quistis was acting so weird.

"Hey, Selphie, you destroyed that machine, right?" he asked, interrupting Selphie when she was saying excitedly, 'Oh!  Oh!  Those light sticky thingies!'

"Um, no…I put it under one of the pilot seats…"

"And…who used the Ragnarok after we got back?"

"Quistis went to pick up Laguna for some mission….why?"

Squall hit himself in the forehead, "And my father, as we all know, is not only trigger happy, but button happy…"

"Meaning…?"

"You!" Squall said, turning to look 'Quistis' in the eye, "You didn't play with any strange machines on the Ragnarok, did you?"

"Uhm…"

"That's a yes," Squall groaned.

"No problem!  We just need to get them back together on the Ragnarok and poof!  They'll be back to normal!"

"Actually, you see…" Laguna spoke up, "Quistis tackled me when I found the machine, and to put it simply…BOOM!"

"Shit…" Squall mumbled.  "And that nutcase who made it is probably back in the Psychiatric Center…"

"Maybe we can get Zell to fix it.  Remember, he calls himself 'The Machine' because he's supposed to be good with mechanics…"

"Good point, we'll do it tomorrow," Squall nodded.  Then, before the three went back into the room, he turned around and pointed a finger at Quistis, "You probably shouldn't talk for the rest of the night."

"That was _so _not nice!" Laguna yelled at him.  

"Finally!  You guys are back!" Xu yelled when the three re-entered the dorm.  "We're getting ready to play my game!"

"What's it called?" Selphie asked, sitting down in the circle that was already formed.

"Closet Skeletons," Xu smiled.  "Basically you have to tell your deepest darkest secrets.  Something that no one or very few people know about."

"Oh, wow.  Sounds fun!" Selphie laughed.  "Count me in!" 

"Who goes first?" Xu looked around.  "Hey, how about Quistis?"

Squall's face got serious and he got up to run over to where Laguna sat.

"Well, you know how Adel's tomb was in space?  It wasn't actually supposed to be there, you see I accidentally pressed this button an-" Squall hit him in the back of the head knocking him out.

"Whoa, looky there.  It seems like Quistis is out for the count, guess she can't finish her o-so-interesting story."

"That was un-called-for, Leonhart," Seifer said, though he couldn't help but laugh.  

"Who's going next?"  Xu looked around.  "No volunteers?"

"I'll go, but no one can tell Cid I said this!" Selphie said.

"Oooh, this is going to be good!" Rinoa squealed excitedly.

"Alright, when Trabia Garden was first established, unlike Balamb Garden it had a certain age you had to be in order to enroll.  That age was thirteen.  I was having a lot of problems with my foster parents, so I lied about my age when I was twelve and enrolled into Garden.  So I'm really only sixteen."

"Wow, I didn't think you ever acted like you were seventeen," Zell said.

"Oh shut up!  Like you do either Zell!" she stuck her tongue out.

"Well, does anyone remember that guy who committed suicide off the second floor ledge?" Seifer started up.  "He didn't really commit suicide."

Everyone got silent.  "Just kidding!  Haha!  You should've seen your faces!  Hoo boy, that was great."

"Okay, seriously Seifer, what's your closet skeleton?" Selphie asked.

"Um…this is really awkward, so like Selphie's this doesn't leave this room."

"Right-o!" Rinoa beamed.

"Well you see I was really drunk…"

"That's not a good way to start off a story," Zell laughed.

"Shut up chickenwuss!  Anyway, I was really drunk and I made out with this guy at a party because I thought he was a girl."

Squall scrunched up his nose and hit himself in the face with his hand, thinking maybe he didn't hear Seifer correctly.  But he did, and this was confirmed when Nida continued by bringing up his closet skeleton.

"Yeah, I was that guy!" Nida smiled big.

"Were you drunk?" Selphie giggled.

"Or did you think Seifer was a chick too?" Zell laughed even harder.

"No, I knew it was Seifer."  Everyone was silent and motionless, except Xu who began looking at Nida dreamily.  Nida in turn was looking at Seifer dreamily, Seifer was banging his head against the nearest hard surface: a wall.  To break the silence, Nida continued with a second skeleton.  "Oh, I'm also narcoleptic."

"What!!?" Rinoa yelled.  "You drive the Garden!  If you were narcoleptic, you could fall asleep at any time!"

"Oh, I have that under control," Xu smiled, "I have him hooked up to a shock system."

Nida scowled and rubbed his neck.

"Okay, someone please change subjects!" Squall pleaded.

"Then why don't you go, Squall?" Xu asked.

Squall looked at the floor.  "Okay.  But this is going to make me sound so cruel."

"Don't worry about that, Squall, everyone already knows you're cruel," Xu laughed.

Squall glared at her then began.  "Okay, back when we were in the orphanage for a while Seifer, Quistis and I were the only ones left because everyone else was adopted.  Matron went to some farm store for seeds to put in her flower garden and they were selling ducklings.  She bought two and brought them back for me since I was still upset about Sis leaving."

"Awww!" Selphie squealed, "Ducklings!"

"One was originally for Seifer, but after he tied some fireworks to a frog, Matron decided against giving him any pets."

Seifer beamed and leaned back against the wall.

"Well, one day I was pulling my ducklings around in my little red wagon…"

"Ooh, Squall had a little red wagon!" Rinoa giggled.

Squall rolled his eyes, he was steadily beginning to hate this game.  "Well, one fell out and all of a sudden I heard and felt a KA-THUNK."

Selphie's eyes widened. 

"And that's how the first duckling died," he finished. 

"What about the second one?  Did it get the chance to grow into a duck?" Zell asked.

"Um…no…" 

"Then what happened to it?" Nida asked.

"Well, you see, this other day I was riding my Hot Wheels bike around…and KA-THUNK."

"Oh Hyne…"

"It's official, Squall kills babies," Zell laughed.

"Squall!  How could you?" Nida asked, and pretended to dramatically cry.  

Selphie patted Squall's arm and leaned up against him, "It's okay, they're in a better place now…you don't have to feel bad about it."

Squall thought about saying that he didn't, but he didn't want to sound more cruel than he already did.

"Who hasn't gone yet?" Nida asked.

"The chickenwuss hasn't gone yet, neither has Xu or Rinoa."

"I'm going to pass on my turn," Rinoa said.

"What?  Why not?  That's no fair!" Seifer said.

"Well, I suppose I _could _tell you…but then I'd have to kill you," she answered.  No one said anything more, knowing that since she had the sorceress powers, she probably could easily smother them.

"Xu!  How about you!?"

"Haha, well you see, I have the Garden emblem tattooed on my ass," she smiled wryly.

"That's so sick," Squall shook his head.

"And so cool!" Seifer yelled, his eyes getting big like a little boy's at Christmas.  "Can we see!!?"

Rinoa smacked him in the back of the head.  "Stop it!"

"Zell you're the last one, now tell!"

"I'm going to pass too."

"No you won't, chickenwuss.  I'll make ya go!"

Zell blushed and looked at the wall. "Well, you know those dreams you have when you're naked and standing in front of the classroom and you're really embarrassed, only you can't do a damn thing about it?"

"Yeah…" Selphie said, "Though I've never personally had one of those dreams."

"Well, I was having that dream, and I woke up and I was in the Quad.  When I looked down…I realized I wasn't wearing pants, or any other clothes for that matter…"

Seifer began to laugh.

"Then I heard the most horrible thing to hear in that predicament.  Someone behind me said, 'Chickenwuss!?  What the hell are ya doing'?"

Seifer was rolling in his own laughter by this point.  "I remember this!"

"Oh Zell!  That's so sad!  And yet…so funny!!!" Rinoa laughed, holding her sides.

"Well, that was fun.  If only Rinny didn't have to be a poop head and pass on her turn!" Selphie complained.

"Sorry," Rinoa smiled sweetly.  

"What time is it now?" 

"Three in the morning," Zell said, looking at his clock on the wall.

"Sorry guys, I'm not staying over," Xu said getting up.  "I'm running a marathon in the morning, I need to get some sleep."  She left the room, Seifer all the while watching her leave and wondering what that tattoo looked like.

"Who else is running in the marathon?" Rinoa asked.

"I do every year to stay in shape," Squall said.  "But it isn't until midday so I don't know why she left so early."

"If Leonhart's competing, I'm going to compete too!" Seifer announced, keeping his rivalry with the Commander fresh.

"And I'll compete too!" Zell said, his main and only focus was to show up Seifer after he made all those mean comments.

"I'm competing too," Nida said, "I need to get into better shape."

"What about Quistis?  She competes every year," Seifer mused aloud.

"Well, unfortunately she's unconscious at the moment…" Squall said sarcastically.  

Only to everyone's amazement, the unconscious 'Quistis' popped up.  "Who did that!?" 'she' exclaimed, looking every which way.

Seifer pointed accusingly at Squall, who did the same thing back at Seifer.

"Not nice!" Laguna pouted.

"What next?" Zell finally asked.

"I still have Candyla-"

"NO!" everyone screamed.

"I don't like any of you!" Selphie screamed back, then retreated to her makeshift bed.

*Revenge*

"Oh, Laguna I'm going to get you back for putting me through this…" Quistis muttered to herself as she dragged herself up the stairs into her bedroom.  When she got there, she sat on the bed and picked up the phone and dialed the number for the cable provider that Laguna used.

"Hello, this is a recording," the voice on the other line spoke, "If you need to speak with an executive, please press one now.  If you need to speak with our manager, press two now.  If you need a listing of providers in your area press three now…"

Before Quistis had to hear anymore she pressed one and waited for someone to pick up the phone.

"Hello, this is Bill for Esthar Cable, how can I help you?"

"Hello, Bill, this is Laguna Loire, I was looking at my cable bill this month and I came to the conclusion that it was way too high.  I'd like to take off my 6,723 channels of non stop Spongebob and replace them with the basics."

"Yes sir, could you elaborate with what you mean by the _basics_?"

"International news, local news, the weather channel and a channel that plays Meet the Press twenty four hours a day."

She could hear this Bill typing something into his computer.  "Thank you, Mr. Loire.  It was a pleasure doing business with you."

"No, no, no, thank you." Quistis smiled triumphantly and hung up the phone.  Now she could sleep in peace knowing that once she got her body back, Laguna would be just as miserable in his body as she would be in hers.  


	9. The End!

A/N: Here it is, the ending of the Swapping Souls.  Please enjoy!

Swapping Souls

Chapter 9

"Are ya ready?" Selphie asked Squall excitedly.  Both were standing outside of the Garden wearing jogging suits.  Squall looked up from doing his leg stretches and nodded.  "I can't believe Cid wants _all _SeeDs to participate this year!  He's out to kill me!  I know it!" 

"It's not that bad…" he said slowly.

"Oh, suuuure, Mr. I've-won-this-marathon-every-year-since-I-became-a-SeeD-pants!"

He shrugged and continued to stretch.  

"I'm going to die!" Selphie continued.  "I hate running!"

"You'll be fine as long as you keep a steady pace."

"A steady pace?  Hah!  Then I'll just walk."

Squall rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

"How far do we have to run exactly?"

Squall blew a few strands of brown hair away from his eyes and thought for a moment.  "About eight miles."

"Eight miles!!?"

"Yeah, from Garden to the dock in Balamb.  Once you get a runner's high you won't notice the pain."

"Pain?" Selphie's face turned white.  "I'm going to talk with Cid and see if I can do a make-up assignment in replacement for this."

"No point in even trying…" someone grumbled from behind.  Laguna came into view.  He had pulled Quistis' hair into a ponytail and was wearing jogging shorts and a sweatshirt.  "I already tried."

"That's no fair!!"

"Hey, Leonhart!" Seifer yelled across the mass of SeeDs.  "Ready for me to kick your ass?"

"Hey!  Seifer!  Where's Rinoa!!?" Selphie asked him.

"She's not competing."

"Why not?"

"She's not a SeeD, she's not required to."

"That's _so _unfair!  What is she going to be doing all day then?"

"Watch the marathon and cheer us on from afar, or so she says," he shrugged.

Xu approached them, looking quite refreshed.  "How much sleep did you guys get last night?"

"Not enough," Squall mumbled.

"I went to bed as soon as I got back to my dorm!"

"That's great, why don't you rub it into our faces, Xu."

Zell was the next to arrive, followed closely by Nida.  "Sup everyone?" the martial artist asked.

"Nida?  What the hell are you wearing?" Seifer asked him.

"Oh?  This?" Nida asked, pointing to his fanny pack.  "This is my survival kit, complete with tissues, chapstick, lotion for dry skin and pain killers," the pilot beamed.  

"That's….nice….Nida," Laguna said slowly, smiling nonetheless.

Suddenly, all the SeeDs began 'shhing' each other.  Seifer looked up and announced, "Cid's talking."  Everyone was quiet.

"Thanks everyone for participating!" he smiled.

"We didn't have much of a choice did we?" Selphie whined.

"As most of you know, this marathon is a fund raiser for medical research in Esthar.  So, run like you've never run before!" 

Then, he pulled a gun from his pocket and looked down at a stopwatch. "Now, everyone, on your marks."  All of the SeeDs did some last minute stretching and readied themselves for the start of the marathon.  "Get set…GO!"  He shot the pistol off into the air and they were off!

Selphie didn't run, though she didn't walk either.  Instead she decided on skipping.

"What are you doing?" Squall asked, while keeping up his steady jogging pace.

"Skipping!  It's fast and conserves energy!" 

The mass of military students was so thick that the normal person couldn't see who was where.  It wasn't until the race had been going on for a while and they dispersed that one could see anything.  

Seifer was in the middle somewhere, and hating every minute of it.  Wanting to beat Squall no matter what (even though he was already in front of him) he decided to take a shortcut.  Pretending to be out of breath, he stopped running and let a huge group of people pass him.  After they passed, he looked around to make sure no one else was paying attention and ran down a different road.  

Laguna all this time, was barely dragging himself down the road.  "I can't do it!" he cried.  "This isn't fair!"

"Quisty…don't…be sucha…baby," Zell panted.  "You participate in this gay-ass thing every year and always finish in the top five."

"But I hate running."

"Very few people actually _enjoy _it."

"I do!" Xu puffed from behind.

"Yeah, but you're a freak of nature," Zell joked.  Xu merely shrugged and passed the two blondes as they struggled.

"How long do you think we've ran?" Laguna asked Zell.

"I'd say a mile."

"So, only seven left?"  This wasn't fair!  Laguna started feeling faint.  There was no way in Heaven or Hell he would be able to finish before dying.  

"Are we there yet?" he asked about five minutes later.  Zell shook his head.

"Nope."

"Now are we there?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

Meanwhile, _all _they way back in the back, Selphie was struggling along, and because she was so slow, she was dragging Squall back with her.  By this point, Squall was carrying her piggyback and the hyperactive SeeD was banging on his back, screaming, "Faster!  Faster!"

"You know, I'd be up in the front if you didn't insist on skipping the entire way…" he grumbled.

"But if we hadn't skipped we wouldn't have seen that poor squirrel that didn't quite make it across the road in time," she declared.

"To tell you the truth, that was disgusting, I would have rather not seen it."

"Besides," she started again, "We aren't _that _far behind."

"Are you _kidding!!?  _Laguna is in front of us!"

"…No he isn't…" she said sarcastically.

Several feet ahead, Laguna continued to bother Zell with his repetitive, "Are we there yet?"

Seifer in the meantime, had really found a shortcut, and was well on his way to Balamb, putting him in first place by a short distance.  Xu and Nida were making up the front of the mob of SeeDs.

"How…much…longer?" Laguna panted again, looking back at Zell.  "Are…we…there-"

"No, we aren't there!  And I don't know when we will get there!"

"Jeez, temperamental aren't we?"

"No I'm not temperamental!  I'm aggravated!"

"….Difference?"

"Shut up, Quisty, just shut up…" Zell sighed agitatedly.

*Rise n' Shine*

Almost afraid to go downstairs after the previous night, Quistis descended the staircase to the kitchen where Kiros and Ward sat, reading the morning paper.  The first thing that she noticed was that they weren't nearly as hyper as they normally were.  _It must be because the Bun Squeezing Contest is over, _Quistis theorized.

"Morning, Laguna."

"G'morning," she said, sitting down at the table and picking up some toast.  "I need a ride into Balamb."

"Yes, your spontaneous vacation…I got it," Kiros nodded, still looking in the Sports section of the Daily Estharian Press.

"No!  For your information I'm going to Balamb Garden to discuss a very important situation with the top Instructor."

"That's nice, Laguna.  I already called in your train tickets."

"Really?"  _Wow, he's really ahead of the game.  _

"Yes, all you need to do is pack and be at the train station by three o'clock."

"…."

"Thanks you two!" she exclaimed, almost hugging the two but keeping what little dignity she had left, she instead ran up the stairs to her room to start packing.  

Since she had gotten to the Palace she had changed a lot of things.  Oh, wouldn't Laguna have fun when he came back to see how she redecorated his room.  

White.  Everything was white.  Not to mention she bought several desk organizers and filing cabinets and arranged all of his paperwork nicely into each.  She could just imagine his response.  "What did you do?  I had everything in a very specific order!  New on top, old on bottom!"

Balamb, here she comes!

*Finish Line*

Huffing and puffing, Seifer came out of his shortcut and joined the main crowd.  Much to his delight, he was in front, and he wasn't that far from the finish line either.  It was a good thing too, he thought that if he ran any longer then his legs might fall off.

Giving it all he had, he began to run even faster toward the finish line, and he ran faster still when he heard someone scream, "SEIFER!!"  He recognized the voice to be Nida's and he saw the pilot coming at him, arms outstretched.  

"Shit!" he screamed, and ran double-time.

From behind Nida, Xu had apparently caught sight of the pilot and did the same (with a shout of "Nida!") to him.  

Seifer passed the finish line in first, with Nida following, and Xu in third right behind Nida.  

"Oh, Seifer!  Congratulations!" Nida beamed, embracing him.  

"Get off me!" Seifer panicked trying to struggle out of the brunette's grasp, when he heard snoring.  Apparently Nida's narcolepsy caught the better of him and he was sleeping.  Once Seifer broke lose, the next thing he saw hurtling at him was Xu, only she wasn't really running after him.  She glomped the sleeping Nida into the pavement with a sickening THUD.  

Seifer couldn't help but cringe, yet he didn't care too much.  He walked off to a bench and sat down, immediately media was crowding around him interviewing him.

"I can't do this anymore, Quisty.  I think I'm going to just forfeit."

"You can't forfeit this…" Laguna said, though he wished he could forfeit as well.

Suddenly Zell stopped running, causing Laguna to slam into his back and fall on his butt in the middle of the road.  "What did you stop running for?"

"I smell…" the blond started sniffing the air like some sort of dog… "I smell hotdogs.  And…sauerkraut…with mustard and pickles…"

Zell's keen eyes began to scan the terrain, "There's a hotdog vendor somewhere, I know it!  I can smell him!"

"Oh wow, that's creepy," Laguna said, wide-eyed.  (Like in the movies!)

Finally Zell found the hotdog cart and it was just beyond the finish line.  "They will be MINE!" he declared, running after it so fast that Laguna immediately wondered what happened to him being tired in the first place.  

"I have no one to talk to now…I can't believe this…I hate not talking to people, then I have to talk to myself…"

"We'll talk to you, Ms. Trepe!" several male voices said at once.  Laguna didn't need to turn around to know who said it.  It was the Trepies and that was motivation enough for him to take off faster than he thought he was capable of running.

"Wait up, Ms. Trepe!  We want to talk to you!!!" They called, running after their idol. 

Selphie's weight on Squall's back was not making anything easier for the Commander who was sure that there was no way the two could possibly catch up to the rest of the SeeDs.  

"Poor squirrel," Selphie muttered, "All alone on the side of the road.  No family…no nothing."  She thought silently for a few moments then got an idea and slapped Squall on the back.

"Ouch!" he yelled, "What was that for?"

"Turn around!  We need to give him a proper burial."

"What?  No way, we're already far enough behind everyone else…"

"Then what's the point with trying to catch up?"

"No, Selphie, no!"

"Fine, then."  She jumped off of Squall's back and began running in the opposite direction.  

"What?  Selphie!  Come back here!"

"Mr. Twinkletoes, you shall be avenged!" she screamed.

Squall caught up with Selphie quickly, picked her up and carried her under his arm.  Then with all his might, ran to catch up with the last of the SeeDs crossing the finish line.  

"Wow, Squall, you sure are late.  Out of shape?" Zell asked through a mouthful of hotdog.

"No, Selphie was trying to correct all wrongs in this world by trying to give road kill a proper burial."

Zell scrunched up his nose and looked at his hotdog, suddenly he wasn't feeling so hungry anymore.  

"Oh well, at least the race is over!" Selphie beamed.  "That was tough work, eh Squally Wally?"

"Tough work my ass, I carried you for ninety percent of the marathon!"

"…Point?"

Squall rolled his eyes and took off his sweaty shirt.  "Let's go get something to drink, and Zell you come too.  We need to talk to you."

* 'The Machine'*

            "No prob, Squall!  They call me 'The Machine' when it comes to mechanics!" Zell smiled broadly.

Squall grimaced.  He remembered when Zell used this same line in the Deep Sea Deposit, and it didn't lead to the best circumstances.  "So, where's this machine that needs to be fixed?" 

"On the Ragnarok," Squall sighed.

"The Ragnarok!?  That's back at Garden."

Everyone groaned at the thought of running or walking for that matter, back to Garden from where they were.  

"Does anyone have money for a cab?" Selphie asked.

Both boys shook their head.  "We could always hitchhike!" Zell offered.  

"No way," Squall said.  "Let's just find a phone and have Rinoa come pick us up with the Ragnarok."

"Oki doki!" Selphie said, jabbing a fist into the air.  "And in the meantime I'll look for Laguna and Quistis!  She's supposed to be on the next train to Balamb!"

"Okay, see ya!" Zell yelled and Squall waved goodbye.  

Selphie ran to the train station, picking Laguna up on the way (he had been recovering from the marathon on a bench).  The two stood in waiting until at last Quistis stepped off of the train, looking tired and stressed out beyond all belief.

"Howdy Quisty!" Selphie screamed, jumping up and down so that she could pick her out from the audience of others waiting for their loved ones to get off the trains.  "And can I say, wow you look good!" she beamed, Selphie had never quite gotten over her infatuation with Laguna, even if she was dating his son.

"Hi, Selphie," Quistis answered sleepily, then when she saw Laguna standing next to the SeeD, she approached him and wrapped her hands firmly around his neck.

"What are you doing!!?" Selphie yelled.

"What I've wanted to do for so long, yet never got the chance to because Kiros held me back!" 

"Don't do it Qusity!  Stop it!" Selphie screamed, banging on her back with her fists.  "If you kill him now you'll never be able to switch back."

"Fine, but I'm killing him afterwards then," she spat, letting go of him.

Laguna gulped and massaged his sore neck.  "Selphie, can you explain to me why your friends are so violent?"

"Well that's an easy question," she beamed, "We were brought up in a military school, why else?"

The three walked down the street and met up with Squall and Zell just as they were coming out of Ma Dincht's house.  "Rinoa just called Ma, she's waiting outside the city," Zell announced.

"Wow!  That was quick!" Selphie exclaimed, jumping as if to emphasize her statement.

"She's using the Ragnarok…normally it doesn't take long to get anywhere."

"Shh!" she glared at Squall, "You dare contradict me?"

"I'll get my body back!  I can't wait!" Quistis swooned.

"No more teaching school, it brings back too many bad memories…" Laguna mused aloud.

The group walked outside of the city and sure enough, the giant red airship was parked right out in the field with its boarding ladder down and ready for them.  They all got on and immediately went up to the cockpit where Rinoa sat, smiling at all of them.

"Where to guys?" she asked, this being only her second chance to pilot the Ragnarok.  

"I wanna drive!  It's my job!" Selphie whined, standing behind the brunette.  

"Go ahead and set the course for Dollet, we may need to pay an old friend a visit."

Though she wasn't sure she knew what he really meant, she did as he asked.

"Now where's the machine?" Zell asked.

"Well…" Laguna shifted around nervously.  "Right there…" he pointed to a place on the cockpit floor where it looked like a small explosion had taken place, and in the middle of it was a black lump of what must have been the machine.

"I…don't know if I can save it…" Zell admitted slowly.

"Jeez, Laguna.  This is all your fault, if you hadn't pressed the button this wouldn't have happened."

"I couldn't help it!  The button had some writing over it that said "Press Me"."

"Uh…" Selphie turned to look at the group nervously… "Yeah, I got a little bored."

"SELPHIE!" Squall yelled.  "Do you not remember what hell WE went through when it happened to us!?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, this happened to you guys?" Quistis asked.

"Dammit," Squall muttered.

"Your fault!  Not mine!" Selphie announced, "You slipped.  So you can't pin _this _one on me!"

"I wasn't planning on it."

"Um, guys…guys!  I think I almost have it working!" Zell exclaimed.  

This stopped everyone's fussing momentarily for them to all turn around and watch what he was doing.  He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the machine.  

"Now, this guy right here…" he said, pointing to some doodad on the machine, "Doesn't need to be here…it needs to be…" His eyes scanned over the machine and he found the place he wanted it to go.  However, right when he pulled whatever it was off, the entire machine collapsed.

"Uh, never mind."

"Gah, Seifer's right, you really are a chickenwuss," Squall grumbled.

"Hey!  I resemble that!"

"…Resent, idiot," Quistis rolled her eyes.

"SHUT UP!  Why does everyone have to correct me all the time?"

Laguna thought for a bit before replying, "Maybe it's 'cuz you're always wrong?"

"How long until we land in Dollet?" Quistis asked Rinoa.

"Well, we're flying over the ocean at the moment.  I'd say thirty minutes."

"What should we do until then?"

"Good news, I brought Candyland!" Selphie exclaimed.

"HOW IN THE HELL!!?" Squall yelled.  "Where were you hiding it all this time!!?"

"…In my pants."

"You're wearing a skirt."

"SHH!  How dare _you _admonish _me_, vermin?"

"Vermin?"

"Cool it you two…" Quistis said.

"Look who's talking!" Zell yelled.  

"Now, now, now…let's all just try and get along…" Laguna said smoothly.

"SHUT UP!" Squall, Zell and Quistis said in unison.

"I agree with Laguna!" Selphie declared.

"Alright!  Pacifists unite!" They gave each other a high five.

"Then both of you can shut up!" Zell yelled.  "Then you can move to Fisherman's Horizon."

"You are so mean!" 

"Yea, meanies!"

"That's my word!" Rinoa reminded them from her pilot's seat.

A painful hour later, the group arrived in Dollet.  "I'll be waiting here," Rinoa said, "I'm going to catch up on my reading." She picked up a magazine as the posse of five got off of the ship and entered the town.

"Who are we looking for, exactly?" Quistis asked.

"A man named Stewy Leward.  He's the one who built the machine in the first place."

"And where would he be?"

"…The Happyville Psychiatric Center…"

"Yeah, the only problem is that Squall was committed there too, and the girls in SOFT broke him out.  So they may still be looking for him…" Selphie explained quickly.

"So what are we going to do about it?" 

"Before you say anything," Squall interrupted, covering Selphie's mouth, "I'm not dressing in drag."

"You are no fun!" she complained.

"Besides, I have something I can use," he pulled out his Groucho glasses.  "These really do come in handy," he stated, putting them on.

They all entered the familiar nuthouse, the walls were painted pink with little happy faces and rainbows everywhere.  "Can I help you?" the also familiar woman at the counter asked.

"We need to see Stewy Leward."

"Visiting hours are from noon to six," she smiled mechanically.

"It's six now."

"Right, sorry sirs and misses, maybe tomorrow."

"We are special SeeDs sent by Balamb Garden, we need to speak with him immediately," Zell said.

"I'll inquire with my manager, please hold," she said a little too cheerfully.  She then picked up her headset and dialed a number, waited then began chatting in a very ditzy manner.  "Marge, honey?  You still there?  Good.   What?  He took his suitcase, sweetie, I don't think he's coming back…"

Squall tapped his fingers against the marble counter, "Ma'am could you please hurry?" 

She glared at him angrily, "I am sorry sir, you will just have to wait.   No, Marge, go on.  No!  He didn't!"

"That's it, let's just go," Laguna started down the hall.

"Un problemo, señor," Selphie stated, shaking a finger at him, "We don't know what room he's in…so we'll have to wait."

"He was scum anyway, Margie, don't cry…"

"Ma'am, if you do not give me Mr. Leward's room number, I will be inclined to speaking with your employer."

Angrily, the receptionist held up a finger as if to say, 'hold it, buddy,' then she did some typing on her computer, all the while saying things like, "Good lord, no!  He _didn't_!  Well, Marge, like I always say, 'all men are bastards', we just need to face the facts."

Squall felt like pummeling her at the moment.  The receptionist then wrote a number down on a sticky note and stuck it to Selphie's hand.  "Oooh!  I love sticky notes!" she exclaimed.

"What's it say?" Quistis asked.

"Room # 486," Laguna read off of it.

"That's on the fourth floor," Squall stated.  "Let's go."

Together, they filed into the elevator.  It wasn't too long before they stood outside Stewy's door, the man was sitting within the cushioned room with a straight jacket.

"Door's probably locked," Zell thought out loud.  Sure enough, it was, but that didn't keep them from getting in.  Quistis was so determined to switch back that she rammed herself into the door, knocking it completely off of its hinges.  

"I didn't do it!" was the man's automatic response.  "Just don't make me eat the carrots again!" 

"Mr. Leward," Squall said, pulling the mustachioed glasses off.  "Do you remember us."

"Oh, yes!  You're the idiots who messed with my machine," he smiled.

Squall's eye began twitching, "Idiots, eh?"

"Uh Stewy," Selphie began, holding Squall back, "Is there any way for two people to switch back without the use of a machine?  These two geniuses back here broke the new one you made us."

"I AM a genius!" Quistis complained loudly.

"Yeah, me too!" Laguna followed.

No one said anything.

"Well…there is one way…" Stewy said slowly.

"And?  What is it?" Quistis asked quickly.

"Actually, it's only a theory.  I've never actually tested it out because most of my subjects were animals."

"What is it?" she asked again.

"Well, the two people who switched have to kiss."

"WHAT!!?" Quistis and Squall screamed at once.

"But he's so old!" 

"HEY!" Laguna yelled defensively.

"Quisty, you lucky dog!  You get to kiss Sir Laguna!" Selphie squealed.

Squall looked at her in awe, "You're sick."

"I'm not kissing him!" Quistis yelled.

"He's my dad!  I forbid it!  That's disgusting!  And…molestation!" Squall yelled as well.

Stewy shrugged.  "Well, then you'll have to break me out so I can build you a new one."

There was no way they were going to do that.  Last time he and Selphie did that, they caused the entire city of Dollet to go into an uproar.  They might as well have set animals from the local zoo free.  They let millions of nut-jobs out of their rooms to create a distraction…though it did work.

"Well, if it switches us back then…" Quistis said slowly.

Laguna was undecided, he wasn't fazed by the idea, but he wasn't exactly keen on kissing this woman either.  Especially when he thought about it, it would be like kissing himself.

Quistis walked over and kissed the president's cheek.

"No, no, no.  It has to be a real kiss," Stewy said.  "Tongue and everything."

"WHAT!!?" 

"Unless you don't want to switch back of course…"

Gulping, Quistis looked at Laguna who looked back.  Both were utterly defeated, this was their only chance to switch back.  Just as they were drawing close, she felt someone shake her.

"Quistis!  QUISTIS!!  WAKE UP QUISTIS!!"

The Instructor shot awake.  "What happened?" she asked, looking around.  "Where am I?  What am I doing?"

"Getting ready to run us into a cliff!"

"What?" 

Suddenly she was aware of where she was.  She had fallen asleep in the pilot seat of the Ragnarok, and sure enough a cliff was drawing ever closer.  

"Holy mother of…"

"Don't say it, potty mouth!" she looked to her right to see Laguna.

Only he really was Laguna.  "What the hell?"

"Concentrate!  You're going to kill us!" he yelled.

She looked at her hands that were both gripping the steering wheel.  Manicured hands, bracelets…her favorite orange outfit was on.  She was back!  

"THE CLIFF!" Laguna reminded her.

"Hold on!" she yelled, pulling the nose of the airship up into something close to a ninety degree angle.  The Ragnarok had just barely missed it.  Eyes wide with terror, she set the autopilot to Balamb Garden and immediately got out of the seat to examine herself once more.  She was sure back to her normal self.

"Hey, Laguna, what were we doing?" she asked the man who was busying himself with walking around the cockpit and playing with random items.

"We just got back from the Psychiatric Center to save Squall, remember?"

"So I must've fallen asleep…but what a dream!"  _It was all so real.  What about the bun squeezing?  The exorcism?  The **Spongebob!!? **_

She was brought out of her train of thought when she noticed something.  Laguna picked up an all too familiar object, "Hey!!  Instructor!  Look at what I found!"

"NO!"  

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Epilogue: 

Quistis managed to wrestle the machine away from Laguna before he actually got the chance to do anything.  The machine was destroyed and never heard from again.

Laguna went back to Esthar and won the title of Ultimate Bun Squeezer for his 16th year in a row, however when he returned he realized his Spongebob channels were no longer existent.  This still hasn't been explained.

Stewy Leward is still in Happyville Psychiatric Center, and he is still mumbling to himself about nominating himself for a Nobel Prize.

Selphie went on to raise and breed chocobos and built a stable for them outside of Garden to be used as missions.

Squall wrote a best selling book called, "Trading Spaces: The Drama" Giving a dramatic point of view to the story behind the struggles of two characters, Guall and Kelphie, complete opposites who switch places.

Zell became a professional Tae Bo instructor and with his program, millions of men and women alike from around Terra lost fifty pounds in only five thirty minute workouts!

Irvine signed a record deal and spent the rest of his days surrounded by beautiful women, err…that is until his records stopped selling and he was forced to sell his house, car and even faithful dog.  He now lives in a cardboard box near the Balamb Train Station. 

Rinoa finally achieved her goal of liberating Timber from Galbadian control and because her contract had been fulfilled, she was forced to leave Garden.  She lives in a small house in Winhill and everyone visits her periodically.

Sefier decided that he liked being a disciplinarian so much, that he gave up on becoming and SeeD and is now trying to become a Balamb policeman.  His ultimate goal is to work his way up the employee ladder to where he can eventually decide punishments for convicts.

Kadowaki resigned from her job as Garden doctor because of the development of several stress induced ulcers and passed the job on to a much younger and much more naïve doctor.

Cid died of high blood pressure.

Nida declared his love for Seifer, and swore to chase him to the ends of the earth, and he did just that with Xu following close behind him.

**And thus, the sequel of Trading Spaces, Swapping Souls, comes to an end.  And this also brings the ending of our series.  Thank you for reading, and please check out or other stories!  Now, don't forget to review!!!  ^o^**

Thanks to Virginia (ChocolateCreme06) who beta-read this story for us.  She did all the nasty grammatical stuff and editing.  She also helped tremendously with the storyline.  Also, thanks to Ryu-Chibi and Soulstorm, who both submitted ideas to us!

Last but not least, thank you to all readers!  And thanks to all who reviewed!

**Cherry6124, Amber Tinted, Micky-chan, chocolatecreme06, CheriChicola, serenesweetie06, Grasshopper2, Archangel_666, Hitokiri-chan, Ryu-Chibi, Koritsimou, Dr. Casey, Erin Tribal, Lucentia, Auria, Dark Pheonix, rendezvous, Mary Hawthorne, freelancer47, Karla3, Joryuusakka, CTHKSI, MegumiFuu, xomoombaxo, Toasty64 Fanfiction Fan, remote_mine, aison loire, Aeris Deathscythe, Winged Wolf Demon Aramina, neko40, Silver Chaotic of Randomia, Bleeding in Vein, Soulstorm, DBH, Maloire.**


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